Baby,
Its been a while since we spoke. I mean really? You acting so different now. A week ago you were blowing up my phone, begging me to come over. Now I can't even get you to reply to any of my text messages. Whats up with that? And if you do call, you just want to talk with the kids. I miss you baby. Why can't it be like it used to be between us? Remember how you used to come over and we would take the kids to the park on Saturdays?! We had so much fun! I miss the way you used to look at me, the way you kissed me, the way to held me close. I miss your scent. Yeah, I said it, your scent. When we were together I couldn't stand your cologne. What was the name of that stuff? Curve! That is what it was, and you know whats so crazy about that? Whenever I smell that scent, it reminds me of you. I even bought a bottle and sprayed it on my bed pillows just so when I went to sleep, I could feel close to you.
The last time we talked you told me you were seeing someone, but I didn't think it would keep us from being together because you have always put me first over all your girlfriends you've had. But not this time. Every time you pick the kids up, you with her, and everytime I call your house phone, she answer the damn phone! So I just hang up! What, she moved in your house now? If so, you need to let me know because I can't have no stranger around my kids! I don't know her and I don't trust her! Oh yeah, my sister say she seen you with some chick in Walmart, was it her because my sister said she ain't got nothing on me! Matter of fact, none of them tricks you be with look better than me! So I'm not worried, you will be back! As always, you will come crawling back to me, but this time when you do, if you do, this will be the last time. I can't keep doing this back and forth game with you. I am not 16 anymore. I am an adult and I have children that depend on me. I know its going to be hard, but you are going to have to make up your mind now. Make up your mind to either stay or go because my heart can't take much more of this. I don't like this role I'm playing in your life, so if you don't change, then I will make the change for you. Do you understand? For real! We are no longer in high school, we have children to think about! I don't want my daughter growing up thinking its okay for a man to treat her any kind of way, that her feelings don't matter. That's how you make me feel and I know she sees the way you treat me. I haven't told you this but last year, when you were seeing your last girlfriend, I took the kids to see a movie and we saw you and that skank out and about and my daughter asked me who was that woman kissing all over daddy. Hell, Just a few days before you were kissing all over ME! Really? Are you really gonna leave me to explain that to our daughter? I love you, you know that, but something has to change, so until it does, you are not allowed to see the kids again, and you definitely won't be seeing them with that chick living in your house! I'm not trying to keep your kids away from you, but it is what it is right now.
So, you have some decisions to make. How much do you love your kids? Do you love them enough to be with me? I love you but if you don't want me, say bye to the kids, because you will NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Other Woman
Dear Lover,
You are so over confident, and I am so under confident. Your confidence offends me. It reminds me of how much of it I lack. Now, I'm not trying to complain, I am just telling you how I feel whenever I am around you. I don't know how to treat you when you brag on yourself. It makes me so uncomfortable as if I am competing with you on who loves themselves the most or who has the most self esteem. When you say how SEXY and FINE you are, stuff like that makes me feel like I should be saying stuff like that about myself. However, I am not the boastful type. I am not the type to glorify myself. I try to practice humility when it comes to stuff like that. I have never done that around people, but you do it so freely and you don't care about how it makes others feel. You know what I think? I think that maybe you were placed in my life for a far more important purpose than I had earlier anticipated. At first I thought you and I were meant to be lovers but now I think its deeper than that. Maybe my confidence is so low that I need someone with a higher self esteem. Maybe I need someone with a higher confidence within their self. Perhaps I need someone who boasts and brags just for motivation. I think I need to boast a little more. Being with you is teaching me something. Being around you is teaching me that with confidence you can get what you want and if you have enough, you can even persuade others to believe in you as well. I shouldn't feel down or depressed around you if I had confidence within myself. Would you like to know what else I have learned about me when I am with you? I have learned that you bring out the worst in me so that I can know who I really am. Being around you made me see how desperate and thirsty I really am for attention and love. After all, I did sleep with you knowing you were married. And after you got divorced, and you chose another female to pursue a relationship with instead of me, I slept with you again. I slept with you knowing you had a wonderful loving relationship with probably a really great person for you. Hell, I even tried to break you guys up by confronting her about you and I's relationship with one another, but she didn't believe me. She chose your words over mine. So I assumed she was cool with it, so I continued to sleep with you. Wow! Thinking about my actions makes me sick to my stomach because I know that is not the kind of life of love or the lack there of that God wants for me. That is not the kind of woman I would like to be. Sweetie, you are a good guy and can be really sweet (at times), but you bring out the very worst in me. But fortunately, its not a bad thing to do if I learn from it. It is only bad if I continue to allow you to do those things expecting things to change. Honey, I can see myself married to you and being a loving wife and mother to our children, but I can also see myself becoming a jealous thirsty chick sitting outside your house waiting for you and your girlfriend to come home just to beat the crap out of her and you! As tempting as that sounds, I am not trying to go to jail, or die so being the thirsty chick is OUT! Bottom line, I am nobody's other woman, and I should not allow and should have never allowed you to put me in that category, nor should I have put my self in that category. If you don't want to be with me, and be faithful to me, then that just means that God got something better for me in mind! And right now, I think I will wait on Him because if I continue to sleep with you, there is only one way it will end, and its bad, all bad! I love you and I love myself, But I know ME! I love you too much to help you ruin your life!
You are so over confident, and I am so under confident. Your confidence offends me. It reminds me of how much of it I lack. Now, I'm not trying to complain, I am just telling you how I feel whenever I am around you. I don't know how to treat you when you brag on yourself. It makes me so uncomfortable as if I am competing with you on who loves themselves the most or who has the most self esteem. When you say how SEXY and FINE you are, stuff like that makes me feel like I should be saying stuff like that about myself. However, I am not the boastful type. I am not the type to glorify myself. I try to practice humility when it comes to stuff like that. I have never done that around people, but you do it so freely and you don't care about how it makes others feel. You know what I think? I think that maybe you were placed in my life for a far more important purpose than I had earlier anticipated. At first I thought you and I were meant to be lovers but now I think its deeper than that. Maybe my confidence is so low that I need someone with a higher self esteem. Maybe I need someone with a higher confidence within their self. Perhaps I need someone who boasts and brags just for motivation. I think I need to boast a little more. Being with you is teaching me something. Being around you is teaching me that with confidence you can get what you want and if you have enough, you can even persuade others to believe in you as well. I shouldn't feel down or depressed around you if I had confidence within myself. Would you like to know what else I have learned about me when I am with you? I have learned that you bring out the worst in me so that I can know who I really am. Being around you made me see how desperate and thirsty I really am for attention and love. After all, I did sleep with you knowing you were married. And after you got divorced, and you chose another female to pursue a relationship with instead of me, I slept with you again. I slept with you knowing you had a wonderful loving relationship with probably a really great person for you. Hell, I even tried to break you guys up by confronting her about you and I's relationship with one another, but she didn't believe me. She chose your words over mine. So I assumed she was cool with it, so I continued to sleep with you. Wow! Thinking about my actions makes me sick to my stomach because I know that is not the kind of life of love or the lack there of that God wants for me. That is not the kind of woman I would like to be. Sweetie, you are a good guy and can be really sweet (at times), but you bring out the very worst in me. But fortunately, its not a bad thing to do if I learn from it. It is only bad if I continue to allow you to do those things expecting things to change. Honey, I can see myself married to you and being a loving wife and mother to our children, but I can also see myself becoming a jealous thirsty chick sitting outside your house waiting for you and your girlfriend to come home just to beat the crap out of her and you! As tempting as that sounds, I am not trying to go to jail, or die so being the thirsty chick is OUT! Bottom line, I am nobody's other woman, and I should not allow and should have never allowed you to put me in that category, nor should I have put my self in that category. If you don't want to be with me, and be faithful to me, then that just means that God got something better for me in mind! And right now, I think I will wait on Him because if I continue to sleep with you, there is only one way it will end, and its bad, all bad! I love you and I love myself, But I know ME! I love you too much to help you ruin your life!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
The Pledge
Love,
Wow, I just saw a photo of your girlfriend and she looked gorgeous. Why do you cheat on her? She seems to love God, and seems to be all about her business. Obviously she loves you. Why do cheat on her with me? I hope you are not trying to do me any favors because you are not. In fact, for me sleeping with you has probably, no, has definitely hindered God's blessing from my life of finding true love and joy with a real relationship of my own. I want you to understand that the reason I can't find love is not because I am ugly or that I am a bad person or anything like that. The reason I can't find the right kind of love is because my relationship with God is broken, therefore I attract broken men. You sir, are broken and any relationship that I try to make becomes broken as well. His love is so pure and so perfect, it would be a shame to waste it on someone who is outside His fellowship. I am positive that the man God has for me will be in right standing with Him, and not outside his fellowship. You see my love, we both have to be in right standing with God in order to trust that the love we share is real. The reasons why we can't trust each other is because we don't trust ourselves and we don't trust God. If we did, we would not rush his plan for our lives. We should be willing to submit to His plan and be renewed and transformed by God's word and obey it. Sweetie, rededicate your life to Him and be transformed into the honorable man of God and watch the Lord's Grace and Mercy move in your life like never before! You tell me all the time you love God, so TRUST Him as well. By loving the Lord, you love yourself. By loving yourself, you begin to love others. Because I believe in this so strongly sweetie, I pledge a vow on this day of this month in this year that I do hereby pledge my spiritual and physical body to God and will not have sex with you again until you and I become in right standing with God!
Wow, I just saw a photo of your girlfriend and she looked gorgeous. Why do you cheat on her? She seems to love God, and seems to be all about her business. Obviously she loves you. Why do cheat on her with me? I hope you are not trying to do me any favors because you are not. In fact, for me sleeping with you has probably, no, has definitely hindered God's blessing from my life of finding true love and joy with a real relationship of my own. I want you to understand that the reason I can't find love is not because I am ugly or that I am a bad person or anything like that. The reason I can't find the right kind of love is because my relationship with God is broken, therefore I attract broken men. You sir, are broken and any relationship that I try to make becomes broken as well. His love is so pure and so perfect, it would be a shame to waste it on someone who is outside His fellowship. I am positive that the man God has for me will be in right standing with Him, and not outside his fellowship. You see my love, we both have to be in right standing with God in order to trust that the love we share is real. The reasons why we can't trust each other is because we don't trust ourselves and we don't trust God. If we did, we would not rush his plan for our lives. We should be willing to submit to His plan and be renewed and transformed by God's word and obey it. Sweetie, rededicate your life to Him and be transformed into the honorable man of God and watch the Lord's Grace and Mercy move in your life like never before! You tell me all the time you love God, so TRUST Him as well. By loving the Lord, you love yourself. By loving yourself, you begin to love others. Because I believe in this so strongly sweetie, I pledge a vow on this day of this month in this year that I do hereby pledge my spiritual and physical body to God and will not have sex with you again until you and I become in right standing with God!
What I Allowed
Love,
I sure told you! You think you are so smart that you can do whatever you want because I allow you to. Well I am done allowing you to treat me any kind of way. I'm done crying over spoiled milk and you sir are rotten to the core! I know my beauty and my strength. It is worthy of love, honor, and admiration. I am strong! My mother told me so. She said even as a young child, I was strong! Strength is in me and its on my side. I will prevail and triumph over a broken heart and anything else that tries to bring me down. My life is an abundance of glorious splendor and it is filled with magnificent possibilities! The circumstances for success are endless, and I even I will achieve it!
I sure told you! You think you are so smart that you can do whatever you want because I allow you to. Well I am done allowing you to treat me any kind of way. I'm done crying over spoiled milk and you sir are rotten to the core! I know my beauty and my strength. It is worthy of love, honor, and admiration. I am strong! My mother told me so. She said even as a young child, I was strong! Strength is in me and its on my side. I will prevail and triumph over a broken heart and anything else that tries to bring me down. My life is an abundance of glorious splendor and it is filled with magnificent possibilities! The circumstances for success are endless, and I even I will achieve it!
Obsessed
Love,
As much as I really want to be with you, I cannot. I am obsessed and possessive when it comes to you, yet I have no claim to you. I have no right to ask of you the things I want to ask. Maybe I'm thinking way too much. Maybe I should not think the way that I do. I know! I will find a new obsession! I will find another man that I know I would have a chance at being with. Maybe I will find love that way. I have already started to look for him. Maybe its is the guy from the gym that is so fine, I named him Superman! Or, maybe its the new co-worker that just got out of Corrections Academy. I think I will try them both to increase my odds. Hopefully I will see which one, if either of them, will be worth my time or is compatible.
As much as I really want to be with you, I cannot. I am obsessed and possessive when it comes to you, yet I have no claim to you. I have no right to ask of you the things I want to ask. Maybe I'm thinking way too much. Maybe I should not think the way that I do. I know! I will find a new obsession! I will find another man that I know I would have a chance at being with. Maybe I will find love that way. I have already started to look for him. Maybe its is the guy from the gym that is so fine, I named him Superman! Or, maybe its the new co-worker that just got out of Corrections Academy. I think I will try them both to increase my odds. Hopefully I will see which one, if either of them, will be worth my time or is compatible.
Adore Me!
Love,
I don't like how I feel when I am with you. You make me feel unwanted. Being around you reminds me of the reality of you not wanting to be with me, not wanting to bring me around your family and friends, not wanting to kiss me in public or talk to me over the phone. It reminds me of you not choosing me to be your girlfriend. When I am around you, I am in fear of losing you which is crazy because I never had you to lose. Whenever I am around you I feel silly and jealous. I am jealous over the fact that you have this woman that you love enough to call your girlfriend. I guess when you were getting to know me you saw something in me you didn't like. What was it? What was it about me that pushed you towards her? I don't know, maybe it was my lack of confidence within myself. If I don't believe in me, who will? Am I right about this? I know a lot of times I use other people to validate who and what I am. Maybe that is why I am single. My confidence has fallen low. I have allowed anyone to come in my life and destroy my confidence because I look for my self worth in other people's adoration in me rather than adoring myself. So, Adore Me!
I don't like how I feel when I am with you. You make me feel unwanted. Being around you reminds me of the reality of you not wanting to be with me, not wanting to bring me around your family and friends, not wanting to kiss me in public or talk to me over the phone. It reminds me of you not choosing me to be your girlfriend. When I am around you, I am in fear of losing you which is crazy because I never had you to lose. Whenever I am around you I feel silly and jealous. I am jealous over the fact that you have this woman that you love enough to call your girlfriend. I guess when you were getting to know me you saw something in me you didn't like. What was it? What was it about me that pushed you towards her? I don't know, maybe it was my lack of confidence within myself. If I don't believe in me, who will? Am I right about this? I know a lot of times I use other people to validate who and what I am. Maybe that is why I am single. My confidence has fallen low. I have allowed anyone to come in my life and destroy my confidence because I look for my self worth in other people's adoration in me rather than adoring myself. So, Adore Me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)