To The Father Of My Unborn Child,
There is nothing I wouldn't have done for you. Did you know that? All you had to do was come to me and tell me what was going on and I would have supported you. I would have stood by you but not only because I am pregnant with your child but because I love you and you are MY man and that is what a good woman is suppose to do. I know we are young and this baby came at a surprise. Hell, I still don't know if I'm ready to be a mom and I'm getting closer to my due date by the day! I'm hoping that everything will work itself out when the baby gets here.
I have to have faith that everything will be okay. But what I am most afraid of is the thought of you not being around to raise your son. You won't be around to teach him how to be a man, but how could you when you don't even know how to be one yourself! What happened to you? What happened to us? When did you decide this wasn't what you wanted because last month you were all for having a family and starting our lives together. Now, you tell me that you need some space to see where you want to be. I don't understand that. We have been together for two years and in that time we have moved in together and started a life together then all of a sudden I come home from work and find your things gone! Not one single note, or a phone call explaining why. But you have the nerve to go and tell your homeboy that you didn't thing the baby was yours and you have to get a paternity test before you can go any further with me?? Is that true? I haven't been with anyone else but you and I think you know that. I just think you are scared of all this becoming real. Just call me Come home and we will talk about it. I still love you.
To The Mother Of My Supposedly Unborn Baby,
You love me? How do you figure that? Girl, since the first day we were together you have been pressuring me to settle down with you. You made it too easy for me. I never really wanted to be with you like that. But as time went on I developed feelings for you but I never REALLY loved you enough to marry you or want to start a family with you. I kept telling you that from the start but you wouldn't listen. I told you I didn't want kids right now but you didn't listen to that either. Oh so now I'm the bad guy for ending something I never should have started? Girl please! You wanted a baby and you didn't care how you got one. Damn Right I want a paternity test! I don't know that the baby you are carrying is mine and before I start giving you any more of my time and money, I want to know for sure.
See, I know about Tyrone, and Melve. How do you think I got your number way back then? When I told them you were pregnant, they advised me to wait and make sure because you were known to do some foul things in the past. They told me everything on how you used to poke holes in their condoms and try to get pregnant! So you expect me to trust you? Hell Naw! I don't trust none of you females! I can't believe you writing me letters asking me what happened to us like we were a real couple. I just lived with you that year because my apartment got flooded and it was simple just to live with you. You never made me pay rent so I saved money! So as far as me leaving? I left because I finally found a place to stay because you kept talking about marriage. I am not marrying you. I have feelings for you but I can't trust you to marry you. But I told you all of this before so why are you trippin'?? Girl you better get your mind right, I'm serious. Get it together because right now you seem really crazy. Don't worry about me because I will be alright. I got mine, you need to get yours. Oh and by the way, I'm coming by to drop off your house key you gave me. I won't be needing that anymore. Deuces!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Stubborn Stephanie's Still Single
Dear Diary,
Man, I sure am tired of giving my all to guys who don't give me anything in return. It seems like every guy I was ever interested in has either let me down or disappointed me in someway. More often than not, it happens after we have sex! My friends tell me I should wait and let a guy show me who he is before I go the distance but I don't want to wait! I want to have fun! I mean, guys do it, so why can't I? They tell me I should just enjoy meeting new people and keep an open mind about love and not be too shallow. I don't think I am shallow, its just that I like attractive guys!
My best friend told me that I should focus on school and keep my mind off of finding love. She says I should look for friendship in a guy instead of jumping into bed with them and thinking relationships happen that way. Only in the movies, not in real life! But I love romantic movies where the girl finds love unexpectedly!! I want that too. Why can't I bake my cake have it forever while nibbling off of it piece by piece daily?? I want a man, and not just any man. I WANT MY OWN MAN!!
I am tired of being alone and I want to be loved and adored by somebody, but every time I commit, the guy I am seeing is never ready. Why not? I mean, I am cute, I am in school, so I am very intelligent and I work full time, so I have money! Why am I still single? I can't help who I fall in love with.
For instance, just last month I met a guy tending bar at my favorite Pub. He was sexy, and I was tipsy so I thought he should know how attractive he was to me. Hell, I was so tipsy, all the guys were looking pretty hot and tempting at that point!
Anyway, I go up to him, and ask him for his phone number, I said
"Oh My God, you are so cute right now! Are you single? If so, can I get your phone number? My name is Stephanie by the way!"
He gave me his number without even saying a word. I got it like that! I can get any man I want just by asking. So, I call him up the next day and leave a message on his answering machine, and the next day he texts me back! I got so excited!
We have been texting each other for a month now and we've had sex a few times until I decided to want more.
So, one night after we meet up, usually in random places because he has roommates,
I ask him THE question. I say,
"So, where are we going from here? Are we a couple now because I am really feeling you and I want to be your girlfriend."
Then he looks down at his watch, then slowly looks up at me and says,
"I like you, I do. Its just that I have a lot going on right now and I can't complicate things with a girlfriend. You understand that right? But that doesn't mean we have to stop doing what we do because I really like you and I want to spend time with you."
Well, he likes me and wants to spend time with me. That is what is most important right?
So, I continue to sex him at random places for a while. Then our meeting had gotten few and far between, so I started to call him and I kept getting the damn voicemail. I am beginning to think he is avoiding me which sucks and now I feel unwanted, unloved and so empty inside.
I feel numb to the world and all I have is this hole in my heart where this guy should be. What do I do now? I know, I will find another guy to fill it! I saw this guy in the library that I go to often, and he looked cute, maybe I will start with him!
To The Reader,
The moral to this story is this: The cycle of fulfilling the desire for love with lust will continue until you decide you want more than just a fling. You say you want a relationship but all you are showing the other person in that relationship is a good time. Love doesn't happen through sex. It is cultivated over time of getting to know a person for who they are and allowing others to get to know you for who you really are. If you add sex to that equation, it only complicates things with fake emotions brought on by lust. Therefore you can't trust your feelings if you would have just left sex out of it. Take time to love the right way and not let your body dictate what your next move is. Conquer that inner lustful nature and you will find the natural flow of the human connection that we all long for. Good luck and God bless ya!
Man, I sure am tired of giving my all to guys who don't give me anything in return. It seems like every guy I was ever interested in has either let me down or disappointed me in someway. More often than not, it happens after we have sex! My friends tell me I should wait and let a guy show me who he is before I go the distance but I don't want to wait! I want to have fun! I mean, guys do it, so why can't I? They tell me I should just enjoy meeting new people and keep an open mind about love and not be too shallow. I don't think I am shallow, its just that I like attractive guys!
My best friend told me that I should focus on school and keep my mind off of finding love. She says I should look for friendship in a guy instead of jumping into bed with them and thinking relationships happen that way. Only in the movies, not in real life! But I love romantic movies where the girl finds love unexpectedly!! I want that too. Why can't I bake my cake have it forever while nibbling off of it piece by piece daily?? I want a man, and not just any man. I WANT MY OWN MAN!!
I am tired of being alone and I want to be loved and adored by somebody, but every time I commit, the guy I am seeing is never ready. Why not? I mean, I am cute, I am in school, so I am very intelligent and I work full time, so I have money! Why am I still single? I can't help who I fall in love with.
For instance, just last month I met a guy tending bar at my favorite Pub. He was sexy, and I was tipsy so I thought he should know how attractive he was to me. Hell, I was so tipsy, all the guys were looking pretty hot and tempting at that point!
Anyway, I go up to him, and ask him for his phone number, I said
"Oh My God, you are so cute right now! Are you single? If so, can I get your phone number? My name is Stephanie by the way!"
He gave me his number without even saying a word. I got it like that! I can get any man I want just by asking. So, I call him up the next day and leave a message on his answering machine, and the next day he texts me back! I got so excited!
We have been texting each other for a month now and we've had sex a few times until I decided to want more.
So, one night after we meet up, usually in random places because he has roommates,
I ask him THE question. I say,
"So, where are we going from here? Are we a couple now because I am really feeling you and I want to be your girlfriend."
Then he looks down at his watch, then slowly looks up at me and says,
"I like you, I do. Its just that I have a lot going on right now and I can't complicate things with a girlfriend. You understand that right? But that doesn't mean we have to stop doing what we do because I really like you and I want to spend time with you."
Well, he likes me and wants to spend time with me. That is what is most important right?
So, I continue to sex him at random places for a while. Then our meeting had gotten few and far between, so I started to call him and I kept getting the damn voicemail. I am beginning to think he is avoiding me which sucks and now I feel unwanted, unloved and so empty inside.
I feel numb to the world and all I have is this hole in my heart where this guy should be. What do I do now? I know, I will find another guy to fill it! I saw this guy in the library that I go to often, and he looked cute, maybe I will start with him!
To The Reader,
The moral to this story is this: The cycle of fulfilling the desire for love with lust will continue until you decide you want more than just a fling. You say you want a relationship but all you are showing the other person in that relationship is a good time. Love doesn't happen through sex. It is cultivated over time of getting to know a person for who they are and allowing others to get to know you for who you really are. If you add sex to that equation, it only complicates things with fake emotions brought on by lust. Therefore you can't trust your feelings if you would have just left sex out of it. Take time to love the right way and not let your body dictate what your next move is. Conquer that inner lustful nature and you will find the natural flow of the human connection that we all long for. Good luck and God bless ya!
Friday, January 20, 2012
On The Morrow
Godspeed dear lover,
May the Evertree blossom and bring you good tiding amid
your amicable departure from the love nest of my bosom.
As the morrow approaches, so does my love for you.
It grows as far as the distance between us.
Alas, dear heart of my being-fruit of my love.
There is but one and it is you.
It is you that I must wait for.
It is you that I must pine over until the morrow comes.
Forever is the journey of my soul as it races
To become one with you
And your mind, your heart, your spirit.
Hurry back to me.
Hurry back to the love we both hold dear.
Parting is a dreadful sorrow.
Whoever said it was sweet must have lied.
Day and night, as the grass grows green,
Then brown again and as the snow falls.
I will wait for you.
Weeks and Months, as the sun in the sky shines bright
Then the weather gets cloudy and the rain pours.
I will wait for you.
Whether it be a year or a decade,
I will wait for however long it takes
To bask in the beauty of your presence.
The morrow comes to bring you closer to me.
As long as the wind blows I know you still breathe.
I am yours forever, and you are mine.
Dearly beloved we will be gathered
Together on the morrow forever thine.
May the Evertree blossom and bring you good tiding amid
your amicable departure from the love nest of my bosom.
As the morrow approaches, so does my love for you.
It grows as far as the distance between us.
Alas, dear heart of my being-fruit of my love.
There is but one and it is you.
It is you that I must wait for.
It is you that I must pine over until the morrow comes.
Forever is the journey of my soul as it races
To become one with you
And your mind, your heart, your spirit.
Hurry back to me.
Hurry back to the love we both hold dear.
Parting is a dreadful sorrow.
Whoever said it was sweet must have lied.
Day and night, as the grass grows green,
Then brown again and as the snow falls.
I will wait for you.
Weeks and Months, as the sun in the sky shines bright
Then the weather gets cloudy and the rain pours.
I will wait for you.
Whether it be a year or a decade,
I will wait for however long it takes
To bask in the beauty of your presence.
The morrow comes to bring you closer to me.
As long as the wind blows I know you still breathe.
I am yours forever, and you are mine.
Dearly beloved we will be gathered
Together on the morrow forever thine.
At least Love Never Fails
This poem is for all those who attempt to fall in love
again after being brutalized by it.
Shock rocks the stocks,
Love fades like gym socks,
On a Brooklyn block,
They call the cops,
The beating never Stops,
Like cold cocks,
They are all limp,
Like a summer pimp,
Getting no sleep,
Sweating in the gym,
They all attempt to sway her,
Some end up trying to lay her,
But fails.
They try the file out,
Not the prison,
But the jail,
They try to wild out,
But break all the nails,
Hail to the one with tall tales,
Fake hair and fake nails,
At least love never fails.
-A victim of love
again after being brutalized by it.
Shock rocks the stocks,
Love fades like gym socks,
On a Brooklyn block,
They call the cops,
The beating never Stops,
Like cold cocks,
They are all limp,
Like a summer pimp,
Getting no sleep,
Sweating in the gym,
They all attempt to sway her,
Some end up trying to lay her,
But fails.
They try the file out,
Not the prison,
But the jail,
They try to wild out,
But break all the nails,
Hail to the one with tall tales,
Fake hair and fake nails,
At least love never fails.
-A victim of love
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