Dear Lord,
Damn. If you would have told me that I would have died like this (drowning butt naked in my own bath water) 25 years ago, then maybe I would have made some better choices with my life. Well, for one, I would never have started using drugs, smoking dope and snorting cocaine. You know, its funny how people always blamed Ricky for my drug habit but I started using drugs long before I met him. Hell, if it wasn't for the dope, he and I would have never met. Ricky and I had the same dope pusher, Greg. We would frequent the same Hollywood after-parties and that's when the fun started! The after party was originally coined after the Award Show's official party because there were no drugs being had there. So, usually we "Celebrities" and " Superstars" would meet up at someone's mansion and throw down on some cocaine, marijuana, etc. I was 16 when I did my first line of coke and Ricky was no where to be found! I don't think he was even born yet!
Ricky, like me, was also an entertainer but he sold himself in the industry as a bad boy! He was a true rebel. He was a member of a boy band and got kicked out after they decided not to make him the lead singer. Instead he went solo and made a few hit songs. Me? I was under contract. I did my dirt in the dark. The record company fostered my image. A young fresh-faced beauty who could melt your heart with just one octave. I could sing! I had raw talent and I knew how to work a crowd! But my managers had such a tight leash on me that I was never allowed to express myself freely EXCEPT on stage! I loved every minute of it! It used to be so much fun! But I think I came up in this type of industry too young-plucked right out of my church choir at the age of 14. My manager back then said that with a little pruning, I could easily become one of the greats and he was right!
I never knew how much of an impact I had on the music industry as a whole. I was 19 and I had just released my first album. I was too young to realize the legacy I was creating for many artists to come. Besides, I wasn't trying to leave a legacy. I just wanted to sing! I was just having some fun. Being on stage was so much fun and such a thrill, I wanted to feel that way all the time! Cocaine and alcohol did that for me. I Overdosed for the first time right after I won my first Grammy. The record company put a spin on it and leaked a fake story that I was pregnant and had lost the baby. After that, I had a heart to heart talk with my mother and a few close friends and decided to cool it for a while. I didn't quit my drug habit, I just cut back on how many lines I snorted before every performance. Lord, if I knew then what I know now!
Music was my life and it kept me young. But there is only so much you can do to this body before it gives out on you. My spirit was young and vibrant but my body was old because of the wear and tear I put on it because of the drugs and heavy smoking and drinking. I was in my 40s when I took my last breath, but I looked 60. When I stepped out of my body, I saw myself as everyone else saw me and I felt anger growing inside me for the last time. It was only by the grace of you Lord that I survived that long.
Oh well, my life is over now. I've made some decisions that I can't take back. But Lord, if you were to grant me one wish, I promise you I wouldn't waste it like I wasted my vessel of life. My wish is for every one who ever had a dream or a purpose and had lost their way to pray. Pray for the courage to stand in temptation. Pray for the will to overcome the lusts and the sins of this world. Pray for the ones that have, and the ones that have not. Pray for redemption from past hurts and pains. I want them to look at how I lived and died! Know that no matter how gifted or talented they may be, at some point it will all fade away and when it does, I hope that they have the presence of mind to recognize that the only thing that matters is the faith they have in God to see them through their darkest hour. I believe it and I know it to be true now!
For me it is over but for everyone that is living and breathing, there is still hope! Even now after death, as news of my untimely demise spreads and my life's work is being played on every network station and radio station across the world, I feel nothing. I don't feel pride. I don't feel joy. I don't feel sadness. I don't feel anything at all. I only wish.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Love Don't Pay The Bills
Dear Friend-Girl,
So what if I get a man to pay my bills and get them to keep me looking good. I deserve it! I work a 9 to 5 job! I work hard for what I got! I don't see anything wrong for getting someone else to pay for the extra things a woman like me need and deserve to have. Don't get mad at me because you are too dumb to think of doing it yourself.
Listen you can call it what you want either it be prostitution, high priced call-girl, mail order bride, WHATEVER! The only reason you say those things is because you got a man living in your house eating your food and not contributing to anything. He don't help you pay rent or utilities, he always got your car and brings it back on empty and he never helps around the house like mowing the yard.
Every time we talk you always say how you don't have any money for this and that! I tried to call you the other day so we can go get our nails and hair done. Instead of going out and having girl time, you told me you couldn't go because you spent all of your money getting your car fixed!! Uh, don't you have a man for that?
Nah. If it was me, he would have been sitting on the curb with his little back pack of belongings waiting on traffic a long time ago!
A woman like me knows how to get what she need without having to lift a finger. You have to know how to use what you got to get what you need in this life sweetie. All of this equality stuff is just another ploy to keep you wanting and broke.
A man is suppose to pay for EVERYTHING! Its his sole purpose in life. It is what he was designed for. Any man won't is no man at all. A man's desire is to have a beautiful woman on his arm and he will stop at nothing to get it. A real man understand his role in this and is willing to contribute. If he wants you to have bigger breasts or a bigger booty and a small waist then he should pay for the gym membership or pay for the appointment at the surgeon's office!
If he is looking to get some loving, then that doesn't come cheap either. A woman is going to need a new bed to live out all of his freaky little fantasies right? And if she is going to have a new bed then it need to come in a new house! So you can say what you want about me! I'm not the one looking broke busted and disgusted for the sake of love! Love don't pay the bills honey!
If you knew any better you would feel the same way I do and kick that lame ass good for nothing boy toy out of your house and get you a real man. Get you somebody that can take care of you financially so you don't have to worry about the small stuff! I'm Just Saying!
So what if I get a man to pay my bills and get them to keep me looking good. I deserve it! I work a 9 to 5 job! I work hard for what I got! I don't see anything wrong for getting someone else to pay for the extra things a woman like me need and deserve to have. Don't get mad at me because you are too dumb to think of doing it yourself.
Listen you can call it what you want either it be prostitution, high priced call-girl, mail order bride, WHATEVER! The only reason you say those things is because you got a man living in your house eating your food and not contributing to anything. He don't help you pay rent or utilities, he always got your car and brings it back on empty and he never helps around the house like mowing the yard.
Every time we talk you always say how you don't have any money for this and that! I tried to call you the other day so we can go get our nails and hair done. Instead of going out and having girl time, you told me you couldn't go because you spent all of your money getting your car fixed!! Uh, don't you have a man for that?
Nah. If it was me, he would have been sitting on the curb with his little back pack of belongings waiting on traffic a long time ago!
A woman like me knows how to get what she need without having to lift a finger. You have to know how to use what you got to get what you need in this life sweetie. All of this equality stuff is just another ploy to keep you wanting and broke.
A man is suppose to pay for EVERYTHING! Its his sole purpose in life. It is what he was designed for. Any man won't is no man at all. A man's desire is to have a beautiful woman on his arm and he will stop at nothing to get it. A real man understand his role in this and is willing to contribute. If he wants you to have bigger breasts or a bigger booty and a small waist then he should pay for the gym membership or pay for the appointment at the surgeon's office!
If he is looking to get some loving, then that doesn't come cheap either. A woman is going to need a new bed to live out all of his freaky little fantasies right? And if she is going to have a new bed then it need to come in a new house! So you can say what you want about me! I'm not the one looking broke busted and disgusted for the sake of love! Love don't pay the bills honey!
If you knew any better you would feel the same way I do and kick that lame ass good for nothing boy toy out of your house and get you a real man. Get you somebody that can take care of you financially so you don't have to worry about the small stuff! I'm Just Saying!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Deuces Wild
To The Father Of My Unborn Child,
There is nothing I wouldn't have done for you. Did you know that? All you had to do was come to me and tell me what was going on and I would have supported you. I would have stood by you but not only because I am pregnant with your child but because I love you and you are MY man and that is what a good woman is suppose to do. I know we are young and this baby came at a surprise. Hell, I still don't know if I'm ready to be a mom and I'm getting closer to my due date by the day! I'm hoping that everything will work itself out when the baby gets here.
I have to have faith that everything will be okay. But what I am most afraid of is the thought of you not being around to raise your son. You won't be around to teach him how to be a man, but how could you when you don't even know how to be one yourself! What happened to you? What happened to us? When did you decide this wasn't what you wanted because last month you were all for having a family and starting our lives together. Now, you tell me that you need some space to see where you want to be. I don't understand that. We have been together for two years and in that time we have moved in together and started a life together then all of a sudden I come home from work and find your things gone! Not one single note, or a phone call explaining why. But you have the nerve to go and tell your homeboy that you didn't thing the baby was yours and you have to get a paternity test before you can go any further with me?? Is that true? I haven't been with anyone else but you and I think you know that. I just think you are scared of all this becoming real. Just call me Come home and we will talk about it. I still love you.
To The Mother Of My Supposedly Unborn Baby,
You love me? How do you figure that? Girl, since the first day we were together you have been pressuring me to settle down with you. You made it too easy for me. I never really wanted to be with you like that. But as time went on I developed feelings for you but I never REALLY loved you enough to marry you or want to start a family with you. I kept telling you that from the start but you wouldn't listen. I told you I didn't want kids right now but you didn't listen to that either. Oh so now I'm the bad guy for ending something I never should have started? Girl please! You wanted a baby and you didn't care how you got one. Damn Right I want a paternity test! I don't know that the baby you are carrying is mine and before I start giving you any more of my time and money, I want to know for sure.
See, I know about Tyrone, and Melve. How do you think I got your number way back then? When I told them you were pregnant, they advised me to wait and make sure because you were known to do some foul things in the past. They told me everything on how you used to poke holes in their condoms and try to get pregnant! So you expect me to trust you? Hell Naw! I don't trust none of you females! I can't believe you writing me letters asking me what happened to us like we were a real couple. I just lived with you that year because my apartment got flooded and it was simple just to live with you. You never made me pay rent so I saved money! So as far as me leaving? I left because I finally found a place to stay because you kept talking about marriage. I am not marrying you. I have feelings for you but I can't trust you to marry you. But I told you all of this before so why are you trippin'?? Girl you better get your mind right, I'm serious. Get it together because right now you seem really crazy. Don't worry about me because I will be alright. I got mine, you need to get yours. Oh and by the way, I'm coming by to drop off your house key you gave me. I won't be needing that anymore. Deuces!
There is nothing I wouldn't have done for you. Did you know that? All you had to do was come to me and tell me what was going on and I would have supported you. I would have stood by you but not only because I am pregnant with your child but because I love you and you are MY man and that is what a good woman is suppose to do. I know we are young and this baby came at a surprise. Hell, I still don't know if I'm ready to be a mom and I'm getting closer to my due date by the day! I'm hoping that everything will work itself out when the baby gets here.
I have to have faith that everything will be okay. But what I am most afraid of is the thought of you not being around to raise your son. You won't be around to teach him how to be a man, but how could you when you don't even know how to be one yourself! What happened to you? What happened to us? When did you decide this wasn't what you wanted because last month you were all for having a family and starting our lives together. Now, you tell me that you need some space to see where you want to be. I don't understand that. We have been together for two years and in that time we have moved in together and started a life together then all of a sudden I come home from work and find your things gone! Not one single note, or a phone call explaining why. But you have the nerve to go and tell your homeboy that you didn't thing the baby was yours and you have to get a paternity test before you can go any further with me?? Is that true? I haven't been with anyone else but you and I think you know that. I just think you are scared of all this becoming real. Just call me Come home and we will talk about it. I still love you.
To The Mother Of My Supposedly Unborn Baby,
You love me? How do you figure that? Girl, since the first day we were together you have been pressuring me to settle down with you. You made it too easy for me. I never really wanted to be with you like that. But as time went on I developed feelings for you but I never REALLY loved you enough to marry you or want to start a family with you. I kept telling you that from the start but you wouldn't listen. I told you I didn't want kids right now but you didn't listen to that either. Oh so now I'm the bad guy for ending something I never should have started? Girl please! You wanted a baby and you didn't care how you got one. Damn Right I want a paternity test! I don't know that the baby you are carrying is mine and before I start giving you any more of my time and money, I want to know for sure.
See, I know about Tyrone, and Melve. How do you think I got your number way back then? When I told them you were pregnant, they advised me to wait and make sure because you were known to do some foul things in the past. They told me everything on how you used to poke holes in their condoms and try to get pregnant! So you expect me to trust you? Hell Naw! I don't trust none of you females! I can't believe you writing me letters asking me what happened to us like we were a real couple. I just lived with you that year because my apartment got flooded and it was simple just to live with you. You never made me pay rent so I saved money! So as far as me leaving? I left because I finally found a place to stay because you kept talking about marriage. I am not marrying you. I have feelings for you but I can't trust you to marry you. But I told you all of this before so why are you trippin'?? Girl you better get your mind right, I'm serious. Get it together because right now you seem really crazy. Don't worry about me because I will be alright. I got mine, you need to get yours. Oh and by the way, I'm coming by to drop off your house key you gave me. I won't be needing that anymore. Deuces!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Stubborn Stephanie's Still Single
Dear Diary,
Man, I sure am tired of giving my all to guys who don't give me anything in return. It seems like every guy I was ever interested in has either let me down or disappointed me in someway. More often than not, it happens after we have sex! My friends tell me I should wait and let a guy show me who he is before I go the distance but I don't want to wait! I want to have fun! I mean, guys do it, so why can't I? They tell me I should just enjoy meeting new people and keep an open mind about love and not be too shallow. I don't think I am shallow, its just that I like attractive guys!
My best friend told me that I should focus on school and keep my mind off of finding love. She says I should look for friendship in a guy instead of jumping into bed with them and thinking relationships happen that way. Only in the movies, not in real life! But I love romantic movies where the girl finds love unexpectedly!! I want that too. Why can't I bake my cake have it forever while nibbling off of it piece by piece daily?? I want a man, and not just any man. I WANT MY OWN MAN!!
I am tired of being alone and I want to be loved and adored by somebody, but every time I commit, the guy I am seeing is never ready. Why not? I mean, I am cute, I am in school, so I am very intelligent and I work full time, so I have money! Why am I still single? I can't help who I fall in love with.
For instance, just last month I met a guy tending bar at my favorite Pub. He was sexy, and I was tipsy so I thought he should know how attractive he was to me. Hell, I was so tipsy, all the guys were looking pretty hot and tempting at that point!
Anyway, I go up to him, and ask him for his phone number, I said
"Oh My God, you are so cute right now! Are you single? If so, can I get your phone number? My name is Stephanie by the way!"
He gave me his number without even saying a word. I got it like that! I can get any man I want just by asking. So, I call him up the next day and leave a message on his answering machine, and the next day he texts me back! I got so excited!
We have been texting each other for a month now and we've had sex a few times until I decided to want more.
So, one night after we meet up, usually in random places because he has roommates,
I ask him THE question. I say,
"So, where are we going from here? Are we a couple now because I am really feeling you and I want to be your girlfriend."
Then he looks down at his watch, then slowly looks up at me and says,
"I like you, I do. Its just that I have a lot going on right now and I can't complicate things with a girlfriend. You understand that right? But that doesn't mean we have to stop doing what we do because I really like you and I want to spend time with you."
Well, he likes me and wants to spend time with me. That is what is most important right?
So, I continue to sex him at random places for a while. Then our meeting had gotten few and far between, so I started to call him and I kept getting the damn voicemail. I am beginning to think he is avoiding me which sucks and now I feel unwanted, unloved and so empty inside.
I feel numb to the world and all I have is this hole in my heart where this guy should be. What do I do now? I know, I will find another guy to fill it! I saw this guy in the library that I go to often, and he looked cute, maybe I will start with him!
To The Reader,
The moral to this story is this: The cycle of fulfilling the desire for love with lust will continue until you decide you want more than just a fling. You say you want a relationship but all you are showing the other person in that relationship is a good time. Love doesn't happen through sex. It is cultivated over time of getting to know a person for who they are and allowing others to get to know you for who you really are. If you add sex to that equation, it only complicates things with fake emotions brought on by lust. Therefore you can't trust your feelings if you would have just left sex out of it. Take time to love the right way and not let your body dictate what your next move is. Conquer that inner lustful nature and you will find the natural flow of the human connection that we all long for. Good luck and God bless ya!
Man, I sure am tired of giving my all to guys who don't give me anything in return. It seems like every guy I was ever interested in has either let me down or disappointed me in someway. More often than not, it happens after we have sex! My friends tell me I should wait and let a guy show me who he is before I go the distance but I don't want to wait! I want to have fun! I mean, guys do it, so why can't I? They tell me I should just enjoy meeting new people and keep an open mind about love and not be too shallow. I don't think I am shallow, its just that I like attractive guys!
My best friend told me that I should focus on school and keep my mind off of finding love. She says I should look for friendship in a guy instead of jumping into bed with them and thinking relationships happen that way. Only in the movies, not in real life! But I love romantic movies where the girl finds love unexpectedly!! I want that too. Why can't I bake my cake have it forever while nibbling off of it piece by piece daily?? I want a man, and not just any man. I WANT MY OWN MAN!!
I am tired of being alone and I want to be loved and adored by somebody, but every time I commit, the guy I am seeing is never ready. Why not? I mean, I am cute, I am in school, so I am very intelligent and I work full time, so I have money! Why am I still single? I can't help who I fall in love with.
For instance, just last month I met a guy tending bar at my favorite Pub. He was sexy, and I was tipsy so I thought he should know how attractive he was to me. Hell, I was so tipsy, all the guys were looking pretty hot and tempting at that point!
Anyway, I go up to him, and ask him for his phone number, I said
"Oh My God, you are so cute right now! Are you single? If so, can I get your phone number? My name is Stephanie by the way!"
He gave me his number without even saying a word. I got it like that! I can get any man I want just by asking. So, I call him up the next day and leave a message on his answering machine, and the next day he texts me back! I got so excited!
We have been texting each other for a month now and we've had sex a few times until I decided to want more.
So, one night after we meet up, usually in random places because he has roommates,
I ask him THE question. I say,
"So, where are we going from here? Are we a couple now because I am really feeling you and I want to be your girlfriend."
Then he looks down at his watch, then slowly looks up at me and says,
"I like you, I do. Its just that I have a lot going on right now and I can't complicate things with a girlfriend. You understand that right? But that doesn't mean we have to stop doing what we do because I really like you and I want to spend time with you."
Well, he likes me and wants to spend time with me. That is what is most important right?
So, I continue to sex him at random places for a while. Then our meeting had gotten few and far between, so I started to call him and I kept getting the damn voicemail. I am beginning to think he is avoiding me which sucks and now I feel unwanted, unloved and so empty inside.
I feel numb to the world and all I have is this hole in my heart where this guy should be. What do I do now? I know, I will find another guy to fill it! I saw this guy in the library that I go to often, and he looked cute, maybe I will start with him!
To The Reader,
The moral to this story is this: The cycle of fulfilling the desire for love with lust will continue until you decide you want more than just a fling. You say you want a relationship but all you are showing the other person in that relationship is a good time. Love doesn't happen through sex. It is cultivated over time of getting to know a person for who they are and allowing others to get to know you for who you really are. If you add sex to that equation, it only complicates things with fake emotions brought on by lust. Therefore you can't trust your feelings if you would have just left sex out of it. Take time to love the right way and not let your body dictate what your next move is. Conquer that inner lustful nature and you will find the natural flow of the human connection that we all long for. Good luck and God bless ya!
Friday, January 20, 2012
On The Morrow
Godspeed dear lover,
May the Evertree blossom and bring you good tiding amid
your amicable departure from the love nest of my bosom.
As the morrow approaches, so does my love for you.
It grows as far as the distance between us.
Alas, dear heart of my being-fruit of my love.
There is but one and it is you.
It is you that I must wait for.
It is you that I must pine over until the morrow comes.
Forever is the journey of my soul as it races
To become one with you
And your mind, your heart, your spirit.
Hurry back to me.
Hurry back to the love we both hold dear.
Parting is a dreadful sorrow.
Whoever said it was sweet must have lied.
Day and night, as the grass grows green,
Then brown again and as the snow falls.
I will wait for you.
Weeks and Months, as the sun in the sky shines bright
Then the weather gets cloudy and the rain pours.
I will wait for you.
Whether it be a year or a decade,
I will wait for however long it takes
To bask in the beauty of your presence.
The morrow comes to bring you closer to me.
As long as the wind blows I know you still breathe.
I am yours forever, and you are mine.
Dearly beloved we will be gathered
Together on the morrow forever thine.
May the Evertree blossom and bring you good tiding amid
your amicable departure from the love nest of my bosom.
As the morrow approaches, so does my love for you.
It grows as far as the distance between us.
Alas, dear heart of my being-fruit of my love.
There is but one and it is you.
It is you that I must wait for.
It is you that I must pine over until the morrow comes.
Forever is the journey of my soul as it races
To become one with you
And your mind, your heart, your spirit.
Hurry back to me.
Hurry back to the love we both hold dear.
Parting is a dreadful sorrow.
Whoever said it was sweet must have lied.
Day and night, as the grass grows green,
Then brown again and as the snow falls.
I will wait for you.
Weeks and Months, as the sun in the sky shines bright
Then the weather gets cloudy and the rain pours.
I will wait for you.
Whether it be a year or a decade,
I will wait for however long it takes
To bask in the beauty of your presence.
The morrow comes to bring you closer to me.
As long as the wind blows I know you still breathe.
I am yours forever, and you are mine.
Dearly beloved we will be gathered
Together on the morrow forever thine.
At least Love Never Fails
This poem is for all those who attempt to fall in love
again after being brutalized by it.
Shock rocks the stocks,
Love fades like gym socks,
On a Brooklyn block,
They call the cops,
The beating never Stops,
Like cold cocks,
They are all limp,
Like a summer pimp,
Getting no sleep,
Sweating in the gym,
They all attempt to sway her,
Some end up trying to lay her,
But fails.
They try the file out,
Not the prison,
But the jail,
They try to wild out,
But break all the nails,
Hail to the one with tall tales,
Fake hair and fake nails,
At least love never fails.
-A victim of love
again after being brutalized by it.
Shock rocks the stocks,
Love fades like gym socks,
On a Brooklyn block,
They call the cops,
The beating never Stops,
Like cold cocks,
They are all limp,
Like a summer pimp,
Getting no sleep,
Sweating in the gym,
They all attempt to sway her,
Some end up trying to lay her,
But fails.
They try the file out,
Not the prison,
But the jail,
They try to wild out,
But break all the nails,
Hail to the one with tall tales,
Fake hair and fake nails,
At least love never fails.
-A victim of love
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Lost In Love That Never Lasts
I never wanted to let you in because I never wanted to feel the way I am feeling right now.I hate falling in love because I always seem to lose myself in it. When I fall in love nothing I valued before seems worth anything. My close friends become distant. My hobbies become things of the past and the food I once loved becomes flavorless.
You and the love I feel for you have replaced all of those things. You have become my closest friend. The only things I enjoy doing are things that you enjoy doing and your favorite foods have become my favorite as well. But where am I? What happened to ME? When did I lose myself in you and why did I allow this to happen?
I remember when I was interesting. I traveled the world and studied other cultures and tasted exotic fruits of the land. I took an interest in music and had even began taking guitar lessons. I was a prolific artist and could use my spare time to create wonderful works of art that people adored and coveted. I loved my creativity. It was my badge of independence and self actualization. I was confidant in what I did and who I was... until I met you.
You swept me off my feet by coming into my life and showing me a world I never thought possible. Your smile was comforting and your kisses were like velvet. Every fiber in my being craved your presence. I craved your scent and your sound and I also craved every word about your love for me. You were (and still remain) an interruption of my life.
Even now I feel the creativity draining from me as you sponge the very life of it from my body leaving me shriveled and dried up. I crave the moisture of creativity that flows from only your lips now. I allowed you to take away what was preciously mine only to receive a portion of the mediocrity of life that you possess. I never knew my value until I saw yours and by then, it was too late. Your love had taken over me and I was too weak to control it or even cease its destructive nature upon me.
Your love was a drug and it intoxicated me like nothing I have ever experienced. Not even a bottle of the strongest liquor could blur the line between lust and reality like the love I had for you. I couldn't let you go. You had me and I was an addict. The desire to be free has long gone away. I only long to be with you and to remain in your life and to only enjoy the things that are important to you. But what about me? What happened to me and when did I become this person that I no longer recognize? I have become the one thing I never thought I would ever be-LOST! I have become lost! I am lost in a type of love that never lasts forever and it will take forever to find myself again.
You and the love I feel for you have replaced all of those things. You have become my closest friend. The only things I enjoy doing are things that you enjoy doing and your favorite foods have become my favorite as well. But where am I? What happened to ME? When did I lose myself in you and why did I allow this to happen?
I remember when I was interesting. I traveled the world and studied other cultures and tasted exotic fruits of the land. I took an interest in music and had even began taking guitar lessons. I was a prolific artist and could use my spare time to create wonderful works of art that people adored and coveted. I loved my creativity. It was my badge of independence and self actualization. I was confidant in what I did and who I was... until I met you.
You swept me off my feet by coming into my life and showing me a world I never thought possible. Your smile was comforting and your kisses were like velvet. Every fiber in my being craved your presence. I craved your scent and your sound and I also craved every word about your love for me. You were (and still remain) an interruption of my life.
Even now I feel the creativity draining from me as you sponge the very life of it from my body leaving me shriveled and dried up. I crave the moisture of creativity that flows from only your lips now. I allowed you to take away what was preciously mine only to receive a portion of the mediocrity of life that you possess. I never knew my value until I saw yours and by then, it was too late. Your love had taken over me and I was too weak to control it or even cease its destructive nature upon me.
Your love was a drug and it intoxicated me like nothing I have ever experienced. Not even a bottle of the strongest liquor could blur the line between lust and reality like the love I had for you. I couldn't let you go. You had me and I was an addict. The desire to be free has long gone away. I only long to be with you and to remain in your life and to only enjoy the things that are important to you. But what about me? What happened to me and when did I become this person that I no longer recognize? I have become the one thing I never thought I would ever be-LOST! I have become lost! I am lost in a type of love that never lasts forever and it will take forever to find myself again.
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