Soldier's Wife

Dear Soldier,
Its been three years since you have been back from Iraq and I missed you terribly while you were gone. I prayed every night for your safe return and counted the days you were gone. I never realized how much I loved you until you went away on your first tour of duty. When you were away I dreamed about what our life would be like once you returned. When you left you and I had just graduated high school. I went away to college and you went to the military. The day you left you gave me a kiss goodbye that made all the airport patrons stop and stair! It was so magical and bittersweet at the same time. I never thought I would ever see you again, even though I held out hope that you would one day return. But you did return! By the way, remember the letters you sent me? I still have them and when I am alone, I read them from time to time. Its amazing how sentimental and heart felt you got when you were miles away from everything you  have ever known.I can understand how you must have felt. You were thrust into a culture so foreign it was as if you had left the planet and went to another world.
You wrote with so much passion and love that it made me fall in love with you. The more you wrote, the more my heart longed for you. So naturally, when you came home I wanted to show you how much I missed and loved you and threw a surprise party for you. "Welcome Home Soldier!" was what the banner read. Which reminds me, that banner cost a fortune; however, it was worth every penny.
That night you proposed to me and I said YES! It was so magical! The prodigal son returns home! The whole town was celebrating your arrival! You were a hero! You could have gotten any job you wanted! Nothing was off limits for you. But after a few years of marriage, I noticed  a change. Something was different about you. You started staring off into space-day dreaming. You also began drinking heavily, and became verbally abusive towards me. Your drinking got so bad that you were let go from your job because you couldn't get out of bed to get to work on time. You began to hang out with Chuck and Larry. Those guys were bad news and everyone new it! They only hung out with you because they thought they could ride out on your fame of being a war hero! I mean free drinks in any bar? What town drunk and drug dealer wouldn't want that!?
 All of a sudden, you had everyone in town talking about your strange behavior. The same people that made you a hero could no longer stand to see you waist your life like you had. And me? Well, lets just say the day I caught you with Becky, the town slut, I knew you were beyond my help, but I loved you so I put up with a lot of crap from you.
I was there to console you when you woke up with night terrors. I was there when you couldn't sleep for weeks at a time! And God forbid a truck engine backfires, you would hall ass down the road with a  pistol! Luckily I talked the neighbors out of calling the police! I had no idea how depressed you really were. Maybe that's why you chose to do what you did. That you would take your own life! You broke my heart, but more than that you disappointed me. You disappointed all of us who loved and stood by you. Through all of the drama I went through with you, I never thought you would do such a thing! How could you leave me? How could you leave me like that? The only thing I can come up with is that maybe you went through a trauma over their in Iraq. Maybe it was something so horrible you couldn't share with anyone. You kept it to yourself, which ultimately lead to your untimely demise.
When I found your suicide note, I realized why you did it! It read,
" Dear Mom, I was born alone, I will die alone! Just like the soldiers that fought with me, because I chose to run! I didn't save them, like a hero should have! I am sorry! They should be alive, not me, so to the Army that served  with me, I gladly take your place! I AM AN ARMY OF ONE! ".
Either way, you are gone, but you will never be forgotten. I would rather remember you through the letters you wrote me, rather than remember how you died! R.I.P Army of One, you will be forever missed! You will always be a hero to me!