The Club Hopper

Dear Mystery Man,
As I scan the room of a half empty club romper room, I met your eyes before I even met you! Your eyes' glare was so intense it made me uncomfortable so I shifted my body as to look as though I wouldn't notice you getting up and walking over to where I was. "Hi." You said and I replied. As you stood there explaining why you were so caught up in what you said was my "beauty", I continued to scan the room and noticed your friends watching you from afar. They see me watching them as you continue to talk and start to giggle and slap high fives! What's that all about I wonder?  I allow you to continue to talk. We shared a hello, and I asked you a few questions and you told me you were "dating" and had been in a relationship for two years and you had children. That was all I needed to know of you, yet you continued to talk.  You must have picked up on my lack of interest after that because you began to say that women judge relationships based on years and men judge them based on giving someone enough time to tell if you you really want to be with that person.
So, I allowed you to think you had me with that bogus line because it was early and you hadn't had enough drinks in you yet. I was alone waiting on my friends to get there, once they got there I went off to be with them and for some reason you continued to follow me. You danced with all of my friends, then you tried to get me on the dance floor. I don't dance, besides, I came to look cute not to dance.
Finally, after a few drinks you let your intentions  be known. "Look, just let me know when you get ready to go so I can rub your feet! I'm serious!" You wanted to go home with me, after just one night, and even after you  told me you were in a relationship for two years with children! Wow! I guess your woman really trust you to go to the club or maybe she has no idea where you are right now! Either way, you aren't the type of guy I would waste energy and time with. You are unavailable posing as available. You are a fake lure that caught a fish and the fish is disappointed that the lure wasn't  a real worm on the end of the hook!
Lucky for me I can spot a joke of a man based on the things he says and you are a joke! I laughed so hard, I could barely stand. Before the club closed, I left before you noticed I was gone. I don't know you and you don't know me. You are a mystery and I'd like to keep it that way!