Creepin' in Denial

To the Love of My Life,
Out of all the possible things that could have happened to me in my life, I never thought that HIV would be one of them. The shame, the humiliation, and the disappointment of this disease has left a whole in my heart no one can repair, and what's worse is that my own husband of 20 years infected me with it! You are the Vice President of Medical Research and Development for God's sake! How could you be so careless!? Oh did you think because you have access to tons of medication that you would somehow be immuned to contracting this disease? Did you even think about me at all when you where out philandering with whores and prostitutes? You disghust me! Oh, and to think that I allowed you to kiss me with that mouth! The same mouth you probably used to kiss male genitalia! Yeah I said it! Oh you didn't think that I knew about that did you? You are a waist of humanity! I thought because of your position in life that you were somehow different from the rest! That you were somehow set apart, but you are just like the gutter trash we see coming from the opera house. The homeless beggars that beg for change, by washing windows! You are no different. The only difference is the clothes you wear, and the shoes on your feet! Yeah you make millions of dollars, and live in fancy homes across the states, but your inner man  is deceitful and utterly flawed! Now you have flawed me in the worst possible way a man can flaw a woman! You gave me an incurable disease and you lied to me on top of all that! You told me you loved me and only me! That was a lie because you loved many men and women! You told me that we would grow old together, which is also a lie because you are getting sicker and sicker by the day! You also told me that once you got your promotion, that we would begin a family of our own, but OBVIOUSLY  that never happened because you fathered two children, which you claimed weren't yours, outside of our marriage. I should have left you then, but I loved you and decided to try and make it work, but that was 10 years ago! If anyone would have told me back then that  I would be in the situation I am in now, I would not have believed them. That was just how foolishly in love withy you I was! But that was then, and now I must take ownership in my part for what has happened to me. I should have left you plenty of times before, but did not. When you put your hands on me, the first time while we were just dating, I should have left! When I caught you flirting with my cousin, I should have left! But no, I was blinded by the money, and the notoriety and the success! I was blinded by the houses, and the cars, and the clothes! I was blinded by my own greedy ambition of wanting to be Mrs. Fancy and Luxurious Living! I thought once I had the money, nothing could go wrong. I would be perfect! I was wrong! Instead, everything became ruined because of my denial of what was really going on. Now, my life is ruined and as much as I would like to keep blaiming you, I had some part in this tragedy too! They say that when one person begins to creep outside the relationship, the other person in the relationship is in denial. Man I sure learned a big lesson. When someone shows you who they are and you don't like what you see, keep it moving!