Note to Self

Dear Self,

 You say you walk by faith and not by sight? Then tell me, how long will you continue to play the victim? How long will you act a fool for loved ones that never return the favor? How long will you sit on the sidelines and watch other people live the life you were meant to live? You have gifts but you refuse to use them. Instead, you would much rather live life through others because you think they have it better. You think everyone has a better life than yours! You really can't stand the way your life is right now.  News flash! Your life is the way it is because of the decisions YOU have made! So when are you going to do something about that? You are the author and the sole maker of what you have surrounded yourself with. You sit around and watch reality TV shows and think that is how you should live. You work and sleep and expect a man is suppose to knock on your door and ask you to marry him! You dream of winning the lottery but never buy a lottery ticket! You spend most of your free time sleeping rather than living and enjoying your own life! You fail to do anything with the creative gifts you were given. My God woman, where is your faith??

Sweetie, the WORLD is waiting for you to move! Do SOMETHING! Anything is better than nothing at all. Yeah, I know all of your excuses "I'm too fat, I need to lose weight then I can go out and have a good time!" or "Yeah I can sing, but they aren't looking for people that can sing, its an image they want and I don't fit that!"  and my favorite, "I want everything to be perfect and done right before I start this new book project!" You want to know a secret? Nothing is perfect! I have bought novels by bests selling authors that have had spelling mistakes and errors in them, yet they still sold millions! The point I am trying to make to you is that perfection is not what makes a person unique. It is the imperfections-the flaws that build character and add flare to a person's life. Don't ever use perfection as an excuse not to get started or to fail to do something because you will never achieve it! You talk about faith but where is it? You aren't living a life of faith right now!  Faith is about taking action hoping for a end result that was greater than what you first started from.

My advise to you, my dear, is to start doing something! You can seek perfection, never to achieve it, and still be great! Stop comparing your life to others and using their actions as an excuse not to do your part! Everyone has a role to play. Just be the best YOU that you can be and let your gifts shine to the world so that others just like you will become inspired! Renew that passion and zeal for a successful life that you once had before!

Remember, your life is a journey of paths filled with twists and turns. Some paths have pot holes and boulders that are there only to discourage you from moving forward. When that occurs, you must recognize it and decide to either forfeit or overcome! Faith is not about waiting for something to happen. So get a move on! Gather your faith and courage and just do it! It will be all worth it in the end! I promise! 

My beloved, be encouraged, be inspired, but most of all be blessed!

The Club Hopper

Dear Mystery Man,
As I scan the room of a half empty club romper room, I met your eyes before I even met you! Your eyes' glare was so intense it made me uncomfortable so I shifted my body as to look as though I wouldn't notice you getting up and walking over to where I was. "Hi." You said and I replied. As you stood there explaining why you were so caught up in what you said was my "beauty", I continued to scan the room and noticed your friends watching you from afar. They see me watching them as you continue to talk and start to giggle and slap high fives! What's that all about I wonder?  I allow you to continue to talk. We shared a hello, and I asked you a few questions and you told me you were "dating" and had been in a relationship for two years and you had children. That was all I needed to know of you, yet you continued to talk.  You must have picked up on my lack of interest after that because you began to say that women judge relationships based on years and men judge them based on giving someone enough time to tell if you you really want to be with that person.
So, I allowed you to think you had me with that bogus line because it was early and you hadn't had enough drinks in you yet. I was alone waiting on my friends to get there, once they got there I went off to be with them and for some reason you continued to follow me. You danced with all of my friends, then you tried to get me on the dance floor. I don't dance, besides, I came to look cute not to dance.
Finally, after a few drinks you let your intentions  be known. "Look, just let me know when you get ready to go so I can rub your feet! I'm serious!" You wanted to go home with me, after just one night, and even after you  told me you were in a relationship for two years with children! Wow! I guess your woman really trust you to go to the club or maybe she has no idea where you are right now! Either way, you aren't the type of guy I would waste energy and time with. You are unavailable posing as available. You are a fake lure that caught a fish and the fish is disappointed that the lure wasn't  a real worm on the end of the hook!
Lucky for me I can spot a joke of a man based on the things he says and you are a joke! I laughed so hard, I could barely stand. Before the club closed, I left before you noticed I was gone. I don't know you and you don't know me. You are a mystery and I'd like to keep it that way!

Digging For Gold

Love,
I am writing you this letter to explain who I am and what I am all about. Remember when you took me to meet your family and your mother was giving me those funny looks and told you that she didn't think I was the right fit for you? Well, she was right. When I first met you, I was attracted not to you but everything you had and what you could offer to my life. Growing up in poverty was never easy for me. I grew up in the projects where the only goal was to get pregnant by somebody just to get some government assistance. My mother always told me that having a man to provide for me was the only way for me to get out of being poor. She said the reason our family was so broke is because she didn't have a man to provide for her. She drilled it in me and my sisters' brains that once we become of age to always gain the attention of men and she showed us how. My sister snagged the captain of our high school basketball team, and he eventually went to the pros, but not before getting my sister pregnant! They ended up getting married and now my sister lives in a mansion in Beverly Hills.
When you and I got together you were saying all the right things. You said that you would provide for me, pay all my bills, buy me a car and keep me looking fly in the latest and greatest clothing styles and shoes. You even bought me a big house to prove your worth and I enjoyed every minute of it. You showed me the kind of life I always thought I deserved. I was trying my darnedest to get pregnant by you but somehow I could never do it. I thought the money would last forever, but when the housing market fell through and you lost all of your clients, we became broke. We were still spending money like we were still rich, and ended up losing the house. Now, here we are living with your mother trying to make ends meet. All I can feel right now is betrayed! You said you would provide and take care of my needs and you haven't. I know I should be more understanding and care about how this makes you feel, but I wasn't raised like that. So, I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I have been seeing Tom, your ex boss. He has promised to take care of me and provide for me the way you promised but could not. I hope you find yourself a way out of this rut you are in and when you do, give me a call!

The Swinger

Love,
Everybody told me how you were no good but I did not listen. I was never the type to go on other people's opinions about who I date. I took a risk on you because I saw your potential but potential means nothing if you can't see it in yourself. I love you for the person you are and not for the things we do together. I remember how people you used to approach me, telling me where they saw you and who you were with. How they think you are up to no good and all that. Yeah, I stood there and listened intuitively as to not give them any inclination that I knew what was going on as if you hadn't already told me where you were and what you were doing and who you were with. I never let them know that because I didn't feel that it was any of their business. The type of relationship that you and I have is between you and me. I don't think anyone would understand. That is why I always acted surprised and in shock and disbelief when friends and family would approach me with things like that. I don't know, maybe apart of me didn't want people to know that I was actually okay with what you were doing. I picked fights with you in public just to throw everyone off the trail. I thought that letting them believe you were cheating on me was far more acceptable than us having an open relationship. I did not want anyone to know that our special relationship involved other people. I guess part of me feels a bit ashamed about it because I was raised to respect commitment and faithfulness. I think I have allowed you to think I am okay with it, when deep down I'm really not. I had hoped that once you see me with another guy, you would think twice about the arrangement and want to be faithful-that never happened!
But, because I loved you and didn't want to lose you, I did what you asked because I know that having an open relationship is what you wanted. You said it would work as long as we were open and honest and communicated with one another. The rules were that you We would have to meet each others friend and If we liked them then we could date them. If I liked your female friend then you could date her, and if you liked my guy friend I could date him. We were not supposed to form intimate connections with them, just sex. For me, this agreement was a little weird at first but I eventually got into the swing of things. But, I never expected that I would fall in love with another man! His name is Josh and he really wants to be with me and ONLY me! We share all the same values about love and commitment. You know, the values I discarded once I started dating you! Josh want marriage and children and  I know that is something you don't want right now. I'm not getting any older and I can't keep lying to my friends and family about our relationship. Josh asked me to marry him last night  and I told him I would think about it, because I was considering you. But I don't see a future with us the way I see one with him. So, I am going to tell him yes, but I wanted to let you know before I do so.
To be honest, I never really wanted an open relationship, I just did it because you wanted it. But in a way, I'm glad I did it because it led me to Josh! So, in a way you brought us together! Thank you, and good luck with your life! -By the time you read this I would have already moved out, so no need to try to contact me because I changed my phone number! Best of luck to ya!

The Ex-Fiance

To My Ex-Fiance,
Yesterday was a day like none other. It was a day that I will remember for years and years to come.Yesterday was our wedding day!  You should have seen me! Finally, after 35 years of being single, I had finally found my soul mate. The mystery had unfolded itself and  it was you!All of my hopes and dreams have all become reality! You were my intended husband! I had dreamed of becoming your wife since the first time I laid eyes on you. The day we met was like a fairy tale! You wined and dined me, up until the very night you proposed to me and I said yes! You took my breath away and everyone knew you were mine!
All the women in the church were jealous of our love. They talked about us non stop but we didn't care. I didn't care because being with you was all I cared about. I didn't mind not seeing you for weeks at a time, because when we did spend time together, you pulled out all the stops. Hell, If it wasn't diamonds, it was expensive trips around the world! I never was one to brag about being a kept woman, but you sure kept me! I never missed a hair appointment, masseuse  or spa treatment! My nails always stayed fly thanks to you.  When you asked me to quit school, I did! When you asked me to sell my car so I could drive yours, I did! When you asked  me to move away from my family to closer to yours, I did! I never questioned your motives, I just did whatever you asked of me because I was so in love with you. I was so blinded by love that I never in my wildest imagination would have thought you  would do this to me! I never thought that you would leave me at the altar!
I have heard of runaway brides, but grooms? That is just sad! How could you stand me up after 5 years of dating 3 of which we lived together?  You told me I was the love of your life! You proposed to me remember? Why do that and have me plan and invite all these people knowing you were never going to show up? I'm speechless! I should have known something was up when your parents didn't show up! I just thought everyone was running late! I called your phone number and it had gotten disconnected! Wow, in a day? Really? You just leave me with no warning, no word and no explanation? It is really bad when I had to hear everything from your brother- He told me everything!
He said that you never really loved me. He told me about your high school sweetheart, how she dumped you a couple of months before we met. You were so in love with her that you decided to date women that looked like her, dressed like her, smelled like her! Surprise! I guess that simpleton was me, huh! Now that I think of it, I never understood why you treated me the way you did, as if we had known each other forever. I also know that within a year after we moved in together, you started dating her again and had gotten her pregnant! I really played myself on this one!
People tried to tell me but I refused to listen! I said they were just jealous! little did I know that while you were out with her, I was busy playing the fool! I was home playing the doting wife! Just thinking about it makes me angry! Why ask me to marry you if you loved her that much? I guess you couldn't leave me so you decided to play us both until you made your decision! I heard you married her at The Justice of The Peace on the same day you and I were to be married! How classy of you! Well, at least I got the diamonds! I won't keep them, I will just pawn them to get the money I spent for this stupid ass wedding! Just thinking about you makes me angry and want revenge! So tonight, I will burn everything that ever reminds me of you and am moving back home! I will finish school, and never think about you ever again! I will never make the mistake of forsaking all for the sake of one man! Nobody is worth that sacrifice but God! And last time I checked, you aren't Him!

The Ex-Girlfriend

To My Ex-Boyfriend,

Who can find a virtuous woman? You, that is who and yet you took me for granted by disrespecting me!

I have my own business to run. I work out 3 times a week and I volunteer at an animal hospital! Yet I somehow made time for you. It was as if you had stopped trying to love me or  try to know anything about me. We have only been dating for a year and you are getting bored already? I mean, its cool, you can tell me the truth. I'm not some weak woman who can't take rejection. If you are anything like the kind of man I thought you were, you could have at least told me what the deal was. I just wish you would have respected me enough to tell me to my face that you were no longer interested and that you decided to see someone else.

What is the term you guys use on the street,  "Just Keep It Real"? Well keep it real with me!

How am I supposed to just know how you feel if you never express them to me? See that's why its hard to find a "real" man these days. Too many boys playing house wanting to be the man, playing the part of the man, but when it comes to real man responsibility like honor, integrity, loyalty and such, you want to go running scared. All of a sudden you no longer want to confront what you feel, you would rather ignore it and hope it goes away. Most of the time you get away with it because nobody never confronts you on your childish behavior for fear of  being labeled "crazy" or "clingy". However, I agree that there is away of handling things, but running scared? Really? I thought you were an adult? I thought you were a man! So, why when I come to your house, you got to have your buddy answer the door just to tell me lies about your whereabouts? Or, when I call you, all of a sudden you got stuff to do. Why you trying to make it seem like I'm stalking you, when the only reason I'm even trying to talk to you is to get some clarification. I'm a grown ass woman and I handle my business as such. I don't cower away from my problems. I confront them head on!

Hell, I would have respected you more if you would have just told me the truth, instead you want to go behind my back. What did you think I would do, date you for a year and just fade off into the background, not asking any questions? Or maybe this was your plan all along. Is this the games you play with other women trying to make yourself seem like you got women flocking over you?? You are acting like a high school boy! Eventually I will go away, stop calling you, and never come by your home again. But, just to make this absolutely clear to you, Don't EVER call me at 2 am again. You claimed you were drunk dialing when you saw that I wasn't going to fall for your little game! If you want us to be done, then we are done! The fact that you would call me like that and I haven't talked to you in over a month is just down right DISRESPECTFUL! From now on, if you want to talk to me, call my secretary! When I am available, then MAYBE I will return your call but don't hold your breath!

The Unsuccessful Online Dater

 Classy, Smart, Independent Woman Seeking Classy Smart, Independent Man
Warning: If you are anything like these type of guys in the following four paragraphs of my profile, DON'T BOTHER SENDING ME A MESSAGE! Everyone else, feel free! I'd love to get to know you!

To Player21,
Wow, I just saw your profile and I am confused. In your profile you  say you are looking for a classy, smart intelligent, independent woman with a great personality and a sense of humor. Well here I am but you aren't offering me very much. I too would like a classy, smart, sophisticated, independent man withe a great personality and a sense of humor. If I were to judge you on your profile alone, I would think you have a VERY good sense of humor! For starters, you say you looking for a woman? Then why did you post pictures of you and other women on your page? By posting those photos lets the woman who may be considering you feel as though you are a ladies man and unless she is the type of woman who loves a challenge, nobody wants to have to compete for a man she doesn't know. But who knows, that is just my opinion. You seem like you are in no hurry to settle down so I think I shall move on.

To MysteryMan35,
I love what you have written on your page, you seem like an interesting person to get to know. Walks in the park? Oh I love them so much! How is it that we have so much in common? You like to read, so do I! You like jet skiing, so do I! I love music, but Lou Rawls, and Frankie Beverly? I am beginning to think you maybe a little too old for me and besides, you don't have a profile picture. What are you hiding? I have to see who I am dealling with. For all I know, you could be someone playing a trick on me. How about you post a  picture of yourself then I will see if you are someone I can go out in public with. Until then, I'm going to have to keep it moving!


To Fineboy69,
I'm looking for a little more that what you are offering right now. Your profile says you are "Single and Ready to Mingle". Just how much mingling have you been doing so far? Your screen name says it all and your pictures are proof!  I see you are in the gym a lot. As I sift through your photos I can't help but notice that all your photos are shirtless! Either you have on a towel or nothing at all. I will give you one thing though and that is you have some really nice abs; but those D'Angelo poses are really not the business! I want to see you with some clothes on because that's how I would be seeing you  if I ever decided to be with you,however, it seems like you are way too into yourself than you are in getting to know anyone right now. When ever you decide to get serious just let me know. You don't always have to give all you got upfront. Less is more in your case!



 To ThuggedOut187,
Wow! With all the gold teeth, full body tattoos, wife beater tank tops, and khaki shorts with matching hats and shoes, you sure know how to make a woman drool! But I'm not drooling because you look so good! I'm drooling because you got way too much going on, so much so that you got my brain going into a seizure! I'm sorry, but you are just not my type. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there that goes for the guy with the $100 worth of 1s spread out over his bed with a pistol on top!  What's interesting is that you  got the whole 'Dope Boy" image going for you, however in your profile, you are studying Law at Brown University? Really?! Your profile is very well written but your photos contradict everything you have written.I'm sure you will find your special someone. Its just not me honey!By the way good luck with your studies!

PS. Guys without a job, without a home of your own, and  who has baby mama drama also need not reply!