The Heart's Reply

To My One And Only Heart,
You are the life beat of my existence and without you I can't move forward with loving anyone else.  Every day I sit and dream that one day you will return to me. I'm trying to feel the kindling fire of Hope that burns within every beat of existence. Where are you Love? What happened to you and why can't I feel you inside me? Something has stolen you from me.   I miss your friends Joy and Charity! Those girls were always full of fun and always had something going on. If Charity wasn't volunteering at the outreach center for troubled youth, she was visiting the elderly at the nursing homes!  And Joy was so full of laughter, she always knew how to make me smile and leap for her! But since you have been gone, they no longer come to visit me. The house you once lived is now vacant and Bitterness and Discontent have been looking to sign the lease there! I don't want them to live within me because they run everyone off that tries to love me. Please Love, come back! I miss you so terribly.  Those sisters have lead an army against you and driven you from your home you held so dear, which was nestled between two gates that only allowed  Passion to flow freely as she pleased. I miss you like crazy! I miss the way you comforted me when Sorrow came. You defended me when I had no one else! I would do anything to have you back with me. What will it take to bring my Heart's Love back to me? I'm waiting for your reply!
 The Heart's Reply:
 Dearly Beloved,
 Where have I gone? What do you mean by asking me this as if you don't know! I left because you didn't want me around! I cannot be where I am not wanted. The reason why Bitterness and Discontentment are resting within you is because you allowed them to be there. When you decided to let them in, that is when I had to leave. I want nothing more than to be with you. I love you more than anything in this world. In fact, I love you  more than you love yourself. The only thing that is stopping me from coming back is YOU. I'm not going to stand around and watch you invite Jealousy and Envy into my home! Those chicks are messy! I'm not going to have garbage thrown on me! I have stood by you in more ways that one. You are right about one thing- I did comfort you when Sorrow visited because I knew Depression was soon to follow. That's why I asked Charity and Joy over. I wanted you to experience them for what they had to offer so you wouldn't destroy yourself like you are doing now! You want to know what it will take to bring me back? Bitterness and Discontentment have to GO!  Pain has caused you to be blind and act out in foolishness.You aren't coping with Hurt in the best way right now. You have to understand that you aren't the only one that has been hurt! Instead of sulking in your own pity, try helping others that have been hurting! Charity tried to show you how, don't you remember? You should have paid more attention to her. Everything she did was for YOUR benefit just as much as it was for the people she helped. Be selfless instead of selfish and if you do this, then I will be with you. If you want to keep me forever, you can have me. The choice is yours. It has always been your choice to decide who rests, rules, and abides within you. You just need a little muscle to get the job done, so go and gather Strength, and get a move on because your Happiness depends on him!

The Light of His Glory

To My Baby Girl,
What is wrong? Why are you crying over that boy? You are a woman! Don't you know the power you possess? For if you did, you would not be crying over some man that don't want you. Instead you should be rejoicing! You should be shouting "Hallelujah!! Thank You Jesus!!" because you were saved from a lifetime of pain. He has hurt you before and you chose to ignore it (cussing you out and degrading you in front of his friend and such). Guys like that should be lucky you even take the time out to acknowledge their very existence.
My daughter, you have the blood of a King running through your veins-The heart of a lion beats within your chest! So why do you shrink for the sake of companionship? Don't you know the extent of the power that rests, rules, and abides within your spirit? You possess the very strength of God! No human being can enter the earth legally without coming through the womb of a woman. Now, if that's not enough to make you shout out in VICTORY, I don't know what else to tell you!
Baby, you are the QUEEN of your own destiny!  Strength is with you, so get up out of bed! Stop depressing yourself and become the Glory of God that you are! No more hiding your goodness with the ways of this world by excessive drinking, fornicating, and lustful imaginations! Allow your light to shine so darkness can flee the light. So, by the next time a man tries to make you feel weak or inadequate by nonacceptance and alienation, you will know that darkness and light have no fellowship. You will begin to thank and praise God instead of wallowing in self pity! God loves you-He is THE King! His love should be enough for you.Allow Him to send the man for you that also SHINES IN THE LIGHT OF HIS GLORY!

To Whom It May Concern

To Whom This May Concern,
 Hey, it is what it is. I am what I am and I feel how I feel. I make no excuses for who I am! That's just how I do things! Crazy or not, that is me. What do you do mean by "If you wanted to know about me, ask me", as if I deserve to know all your business. I'm the girl you are cheating on your girlfriend with! I don't need to know half the stuff  you and your girl do, but I find out anyway because I am just that  "darned" nosy! Besides, you know that I am emotionally tied to you and that it gets worse after sex. So you should have known I would get jealous over SOMETHING! Either way, You and I need a break from each other. I can no longer afford to continue this affair.
I'm not angry just disappointed that I've been wasting my time with you and I can't keep doing that. You see, I need a REAL man in my life. I need someone who will always be there for me whenever I need them. I need a man I can depend on in a time of need and I have come to realize that you can't give me any of that. By the way, what did you mean when you said I'm doing a whole lot of cussing as if you don't cuss. You cuss all the time!Oh, I get it! When you are with your girlfriend you start acting brand new. So you are Mr. Perfect now? Well, any woman that can change a man just by spending some time with him is definitely a good woman to have. For some reason as much as I tried, I could never cause a change like that in you. The key to any healthy relationship is to cause change in someone's life for the better. We didn't do that for one another and I really hoped we could eventually get to that point but I'm tired of waiting for you. I need a man that can nurture me with his words and I want to be able to do the same for him. I need someone to listen to what I have to say  and give me sound minded criticism. I could never get that from you. Whenever you are with me you become stuck in your ways and selfish. It was always your way or no way at all. I'm sure with her you probably listen more. Oh if only you could be a faithful man and not cheat! Then you would be the type of man she "thinks" you are.
Bottom line, If I continue to play the fool in your life then I would be enabling you to stay where you are spiritually, hindering your spiritual growth in God. Neither one of us can grow in God's word spiritually while living against His word -living in sin. We both have to do better if we want to have a blessed life! But we are where we are right now, so from now on, as for me I will make a conscientious effort to do better and I hope you do the same. God Bless You and Be Safe!

Woman to Woman

Dear Friend,
Why are you crying? Dry your eyes! No need to be angry. He is just doing what he's supposed to do. You know he is a dishonest person so why do you continue to play the fool with him? You must have thought it was okay Friday night because you allowed him to put his hands all over you. You know he has a girlfriend, so you are not innocent in this at all! Furthermore, she's not innocent either because she knows about you, and she knows you like to read her facebook page Yeah, that guy got you cyber stalking his girlfriend and him!  The only reason why she keeps putting his business out their like that is to make you jealous! She knows that she can tell everyone about them and what they do, and you can't because if you begin to tell about what you do with HER man, it will look like you are either lying, or wanting what she has!  She is right about one thing and that is you do what want what she has. But do you really? He is a liar, a very good one at that because his girlfriend believes that he is still her man, even when he cheats on her. Sweetie, don't you know that as soon as you started to accept him as a liar, he will then continue to lie? If he lies to her, then he will lie to you. Do you really want that? Is that the kind of man you want to raise a family with? Could you ever trust him? Now, I know its difficult to hear but I'm only telling you what I know to be true. I'm telling you this because I love you and care for you. You are like a sister to me and I can't stand by and watch you willingly play the fool for a man that don't love you or care enough for you to mow your yard when it needs mowing or kill yellow jackets in your yard! Has he ever done that for you? As a matter of fact, what has he ever done for you besides sexing you whenever you wanted? Nothing.
My dear, you have the power to overcome him and his deceitful lust that has you so bound to him. He will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. You need to put your foot down! STOP! NO MORE! As long as you continue to sleep with him, he will continue to be unfaithful and not just with you, but with anyone he makes a covenant with. I'm sorry to tell you this but it is in his nature. It is what he does. I mean he gave you all the signs, overly flirtatious, never making any solid plans to spend time with you, being secretive and telling you just enough to get you to stop asking questions. And he would always text you instead of calling you on the phone. What more do you need? Oh yeah, remember how you used to complain that every time he visits, he either wants to have sex or sleep and after he does either one, he is out the door? Wow, if that's not proof enough to kick this no name joker to the curb, I don't know what is. I bet he is not that way with her. With her he takes his time, stays a bit longer at her house, mows her yard and does anything and everything she needs done. He'll probably end up taking her to Jamaica, and where will you be? Enjoying their vacation through photos via facebook! Sure they may not see each other everyday but I'm sure he calls her everyday. How many times does he call you? Oh thats right, you have to send him a text that says "call me whenever you get a minute", then he will call you back whenever he is free,  or in the bathroom away from his girlfriend!
I think its time you  closed this chapter of you life and move on to something greater. You have wasted 3 years of your life waiting on him to love you. Stop waiting on some guy who will never love you right. While you are sitting at home waiting on him to call you and put you first, you could be spending time and cultivating healthy relationships with someone who really cares for you. So honey don't get mad about who he's spending his time with. Forget about that loser and move on! Only losers fellowship with other losers, and you my dear are a winner! As long as you keep waiting on him the best years of your life will be gone!
Do what is right and allow someone to come in your life to love you the way God wants you to be loved.

The Lie That Nearly Killed Me

Dear Lover,
I am laying here in this hospital bed wondering how the hell I got here and how is it that you are not here by my side. Out of all the people that should be here, you should have been the first person I saw when I woke up. Instead, all I saw was a nurse. A nurse who looked at me with disdain and pity in her glares. She comes in here every morning shaking her head and sucking her teeth. She looks down on me. Its not what she says that makes me think this way, but in her body language and the way she looks at me.  I'm afraid, I'm alone and I have no friends to comfort me. I guess I never realized that keeping this secret would mean that I would be here alone. But I thought you would be here. If I would have known then, what I know now, I might have told my parents about what's going on and  maybe someone would be here for me. But knowing my parents, they would have never allowed me to do this! I should have never listened to you!
My mother would have told me to keep my baby. She would have told me that children are a gift from God, and that if I was unfit to raise it, then that gift should be given to someone who is more prepared! I know she would have said that! My parents would have never made me get an abortion! But you did! Because I loved you, I allowed you to basically run my life! Come to think of it, nothing I really done up until now was my idea! You ran everything! To an outsider looking in, I had the perfect man! All my friends were jealous that my parents would allow me to date a college boy! Little did they know that I never told my parents about you. I never told them about the times you hit me. I never told them I got pregnant either. I just wanted to be a good woman to you, I know I am young but you told me that I'm mature for my age.
When you told me that you weren't ready to be a parent I agreed to get this abortion for you. I just wanted to make you happy. You told me if I got an abortion that you would then marry me because now you see that I can get pregnant. You told me you wanted to do the right thing by me. But I guess that was all a lie! I almost died for you and you can't even come and see me and be with me? The doctor said if I would have lost just a pint more of blood, I would be dead! He said someone found me on a park bench bleeding and called 911. A park bench? How did I get there? You drove me to that clinic! Why did you leave me to die? I thought you loved me! I thought you cared for me, but it looks like all you care about is your scholarship! What about me?

So In Love

To my ex-husband,
Well, we did it. We finally got divorced. I can't say it was totally inevitable, but I will say things started to go down hill when you decided to play the lotto. At first, I thought it was just a innocent hobby, I mean lets be real, what person hasn't played the lotto at least once a week? But it became more of an obsession for you. You became secretive and hiding your tickets. You started buying $50 worth of tickets a week! But, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You worked hard, held steadily three jobs (two of them were part-time). With both of us working during that time, we made time for one another when we could. It was okay until you started going to the casino with your uncle Riley. We thought he had so much money. He was the richest person we ever known, so it was natural to hang out with him to see how he got ahead. Who knew that your dear old uncle Riley was a thief, and what's worse, got you caught up in all of his mess! Talk about being in the family business! I think I may have lost about 40 pounds worrying about you being at those casinos all night! I cared about you and what happened to you. I even lied for you a couple of times to the creditors (or so I thought). Those "creditors" turned out to be loan sharks. What kind of man goes and gambles away his family's home? What kind of man goes out and sells his only transportation for money for slot machines and card games knowing that he may end up losing his job? Who in their right mind would do such a thing? And whats worse, what kind of wife was I to allow you to do it? I mean, I was right there with you sometimes! I even gave you my paycheck on a a promise that you made to repay me. Instead, you allowed me to write checks on accounts you said were valid but were not. Now, I'm the one serving time for check fraud!
Sometimes when I lay awake in my cell at night, I go over and over in my mind what I could have done different, but you know what? I can't say that I would have changed anything! I was so young when you and I got together. I barely knew you, yet I was so in love with you. You were everything I ever wanted-which wasn't very much judging by the way things turned out. I believed everything you told me because you were MY man! You were my husband and I thought we would grow old together and have many children. I was so In love with you. You were my everything, and whatever you wanted, I wanted it too. I was your Bonnie and you were my Clyde. For better or for worse, remember that? Those were the vows we took, and I held on to that even when all the legal trouble, the bad business deals, and the home foreclosing! I stood by you! Even when I was on trial, I defended you and took all the blame because I was so in love with you. Love is what I thought would see us threw. My fifteen year prison sentence is nothing if we loved one another, remember? You  told me that! You made me believe that our love would last. For a while it did. You came to visit me, and bring me gifts! I loved it! I didn't mind being locked up if I knew you were doing well and being safe! But you stopped coming to see me. First it was every weekend, then it became every other weekend, then it was once a month. I finally called the number you gave me, and  another woman answered the phone! At first I couldn't believe it, but when she said she was your wife, I was floored! LITERALLY! I was so devastated that you would take up with another woman while I'm serving time FOR YOU!! It was rough for a while, they put me in lock-up because I tried to kill myself! I just couldn't  live with the thought of you out there free and loving someone else! It wasn't until I joined a bible study on my cell block and started going to the chapel, that I found God. I finally found the missing piece that I was searching for. Jesus saved me FOR REAL! He gave me the strength to live and it it by faith that I am writing this letter to you now! I just wanted to tell you that I will be getting out soon! The fifteen years have been reduced to five! Thank you Jesus! So, I will not try to contact you in any way! Thank you for sending those divorce papers though! That was the best thing you could have ever done for me.I am a free woman, and I have nobody to thank but my Lord and Savior Jesus!!

Creepin' in Denial

To the Love of My Life,
Out of all the possible things that could have happened to me in my life, I never thought that HIV would be one of them. The shame, the humiliation, and the disappointment of this disease has left a whole in my heart no one can repair, and what's worse is that my own husband of 20 years infected me with it! You are the Vice President of Medical Research and Development for God's sake! How could you be so careless!? Oh did you think because you have access to tons of medication that you would somehow be immuned to contracting this disease? Did you even think about me at all when you where out philandering with whores and prostitutes? You disghust me! Oh, and to think that I allowed you to kiss me with that mouth! The same mouth you probably used to kiss male genitalia! Yeah I said it! Oh you didn't think that I knew about that did you? You are a waist of humanity! I thought because of your position in life that you were somehow different from the rest! That you were somehow set apart, but you are just like the gutter trash we see coming from the opera house. The homeless beggars that beg for change, by washing windows! You are no different. The only difference is the clothes you wear, and the shoes on your feet! Yeah you make millions of dollars, and live in fancy homes across the states, but your inner man  is deceitful and utterly flawed! Now you have flawed me in the worst possible way a man can flaw a woman! You gave me an incurable disease and you lied to me on top of all that! You told me you loved me and only me! That was a lie because you loved many men and women! You told me that we would grow old together, which is also a lie because you are getting sicker and sicker by the day! You also told me that once you got your promotion, that we would begin a family of our own, but OBVIOUSLY  that never happened because you fathered two children, which you claimed weren't yours, outside of our marriage. I should have left you then, but I loved you and decided to try and make it work, but that was 10 years ago! If anyone would have told me back then that  I would be in the situation I am in now, I would not have believed them. That was just how foolishly in love withy you I was! But that was then, and now I must take ownership in my part for what has happened to me. I should have left you plenty of times before, but did not. When you put your hands on me, the first time while we were just dating, I should have left! When I caught you flirting with my cousin, I should have left! But no, I was blinded by the money, and the notoriety and the success! I was blinded by the houses, and the cars, and the clothes! I was blinded by my own greedy ambition of wanting to be Mrs. Fancy and Luxurious Living! I thought once I had the money, nothing could go wrong. I would be perfect! I was wrong! Instead, everything became ruined because of my denial of what was really going on. Now, my life is ruined and as much as I would like to keep blaiming you, I had some part in this tragedy too! They say that when one person begins to creep outside the relationship, the other person in the relationship is in denial. Man I sure learned a big lesson. When someone shows you who they are and you don't like what you see, keep it moving!