Their 'Ideal' Type Of Love

Two friends, Kell and Trina are sitting on a park bench when one of them spot an elderly couple holding hands, Trina says, "Awe, look at that elderly couple!"

-"Where?" Kell  says as she looks up searching through the park.
 
 "They must have been together forever! After all those years they are still together. They are holding hands so they must be still in love with each other. That is so cute!" She says as she points toward the couple in matching purple jumpsuit.

- " Maybe.. Maybe not. Nothing is as it seems these days."  Kell says as if she is not impressed.

 
 " But look at them. They look so happy so comfortable together. I bet he is the father of all her children. They probably have four children, 3 doctors and one flower child, probably an artist. Judging by their clothing and their jewelry I'd say they are well off!"

"I bet you five dollars that they own a vacation home in Florida! I wish I had their money!"

-"Woman you are trippin'! How did you get all that just by them holding hands?"

" You know what I mean, the type of love that stands the test of time. I wish I had their type of love. The type of love that never worries about infidelities, jealousy, and strife. I wish I was able to trust my man! Hell, I wish I was able to find a man!"

-"I don't know about that friend. You never know what kind of love people have just by looking at them. Who knows, they could be brother and sister and be in some kind of incestual relationship! Back then they believed in that sort of thing, ya know!"

Trina turns and gives Kell a blank stair, " Really?? Is that ALL you can come up with?"

-" Damn Trina, I'm just saying! You are the one talking about you want these people's 'love life' and you don't know one thing about them. You are just conjuring up all kinds of imaginations about these random people! I'm just trying to add some sanity to your INSANITY!"

"Listen, all I'm saying is that I want the type of love my grandparents had. They remained together until they died. You don't see that anymore these days. I want the type of love that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith have. They are always seen out and about with each other wearing matching outfits! I think that is so cute!"

-" Hold on, Will and Jada?? Don't they have an open marriage or something like that? "

" No Girl! And if they did, if it works why not? Plus they got some talented children! I wish I had kids like that! Girl, I would be broke off something paid! You hear me?"

-" I know Trina, but if you want a relationship or a love like theirs then you would have to actually BE them, and you are not. You are Trina. You can only have Trina's type of love!"

"My type of love sucks! All I have to show for a love life are knuckle-headed  ex-boyfriends who cannot remain faithful or they are just plain liars! I want true love! I want their type of love!"

-" And I understand how you feel. But listen, through my life I have learned that there are two types of love, True Love and My Ideal Type of Love."

" I want True Love... DUH!"

-" Well you gonna have to do what it takes to get it! True Love is imperfect but it has an abundance of forgiveness."

" So what's the other one because I've been hurt in the past and I don't know if I'm ready to forgive just yet!"

-" The other type is the Ideal Type, which is where you are right now, its only a figment of our imagination because we have yet to experience true love."

" Well, that sounds good but true love ain't meant for everybody. I don't think its meant for me. You can tell that based on my relationship track record!"

- " How many of your exes have wanted you back, and promised they would do better?"

"What does that have to do with anything? Damn near all of them, so am I suppose to just start dating all of them now?"

-"That's not what I am saying! I am saying that you had the opportunity to experience true love if you were willing to forgive and move forward, that's all! True love is not perfect. Hell, you could be living in true love right now. True love is meant for everyone who wants it. There aren't certain people who are only to have it. I know for a fact the only thing holding you back and holding others back from  it is because they either feel that they can't achieve it or that they don't deserve it!"

" Kell, you know me! You know how long I have been trying! I  just can't have it! I have just been through too much!"

-" Well you right Trina, You can't have it because you don't want it bad enough to forgive. People who experience true love are the people who are willing to go through the fire! They are people who are willing to be tested and tried! They are people who have overcome their own fears! Love is not easy and it is not without a struggle!"

"Well, I really want true love, but...I don't know." A tear runs down her face as she holds her head down and stares blankly in her lap! "I know what I have to do, but its so hard Kell! Its really hard!"

-"Is it something that you REALLY want?" Kell reaches over to comfort her friend.

Trina nods her head in silence.

-" True love takes time, so you need patience. It  takes struggle, so you are going to have to have forgiveness. And you know what else?" Kell dries tears from her friend's eyes.

"What else is there?"

- "True Love needs faith, which is the belief that one day you will have it! Right now we are living our everyday lives as opportunities to show true love. Sometimes we could be experiencing it and not even know it until its gone and we begin to miss it. Who are you missing right now?"


"Girl you know me too well!" They both burst into laughter. "I miss Warren. He has always kept my heart, but I am just too afraid to let him back in, but I know I should at least give it another shot, and out of all my ex-boyfriends he is the only one that still calls to check up on me and tell me he loves and is thinking of me!"


-"Well there you go! Its time you start living the love life of Trina! Girl, I bet none of the relationships you think are so perfect actually are perfect."


"Probably not.."

-" Never desire someone's type of love because you don't know the struggle they go through to maintain it! Their struggle may not work for you because you aren't them! You are Trina, and being Trina poses it's own set of troubles!" 


"Girl hush!" Trina laughs out loud as she playfully push Kell of the park bench.


Kell Looks at her watch, -" Oh Girl, come on lets go, we are going to miss our hair appointment!"

As Trina gets up she looks at her phone and notices a missed call. Its Warren. This time, instead of ignoring his phone call, she decides to call him back.

Father's Day 2012: A Letter From A Woman Who Loved The Right Man

My father was the disciplinarian.
 His voice sounded like thunder whenever he would chastise me. I feared his chastisements more that I feared the physical punishment. As a child I had gotten many a whippings because I just couldn't seem to control my emotions. But I didn't know it at the time. I didn't always get whipped, though. Sometimes I had to go without my favorite things for a while, or had to stay home when I wanted to go and do something with my friends. 
My father was the comedian.
 I loved when my father was home because he would do silly impressions and make me laugh. I thought he was so funny. Whenever I was sad, or in my emotions, he would sing this song, "Hey Hey why so glum, buck up chum, do you want some gum?" and he would pull out some bubble gum from his pocket! That would make me feel better. And he would sit and sing me songs till I was rolling on the floor laughing!
My father was the provider.
 Anything I ever needed, I got from my dad. Whenever I needed shoes, he would get them for me. Whenever I needed school supplies or clothes, he would get it for me. I may not have had everything I wanted, but my dad made sure I had everything I needed.
My father was Strong.
 I remember how I would wrap my arms around his biceps  and he would pick me up with one arm. I remember how we would go for walks and I would get tired, and he would give me a piggy back ride all the way home. People used to refer to my father as "Strong Man" because he could lift twice his weight. He was even said that he had wrestled a bear in his youth!
My father is Wise. 
My father is the wisest man I know. If I would have had sense enough to listen to him when I needed to, maybe I would be better off than where I am now. But I am grateful to have him and his wisdom in my life right now for however long that maybe.
My father is my best friend.
There is never a day goes by where I don't think about him or call him to let him know that I am thinking about him and am praying for his health. He is an amazing person that I wish everyone could know. He is smart, funny, and very wise. I thank God everyday for allowing me the opportunity to know a person of sound moral judgement and character to be an example over my life. Thanks Daddy for being there for me when nobody else will. Thanks for the encouraging words that you give me even when you think I don't listen, I do. Thanks for all the times you have bailed me out of my own stupidity. You are truly a gem., one that grows more priceless as time goes by! I love you and Happy Fathers' Day 2012.

The List

Dear Lord,
I have been single for a while now and I am finally ready to settle down. Here is the list of ingredients that is required for the man I intend to marry:

Physical Characteristics:
1. Tall
2. Full Head of Hair
3.Brown Eyes
4. Nice Smile (no crooked teeth)
5. Brown Skinned (no preference on ethnicity)
6. Big Hands and Feet
7. Medium Build
8. Is Single and Wants Marriage
9. At least one year older than me, four years at the most

Financial Characteristics:
1. Has his own money
2. Supports himself
3. Entrepreneur
4.Manages Money Well
5. Business Minded

Lifestyle Characteristics:
1. Family Oriented
2. Loves to Cook
3. Works Out Regularly! Committed Gym Membership
4. Healthy Eater
5. No major health problems
6. Well groomed, manicured and clean cut
7. Loves God( A man after God's own heart)
8. Attend Church Services
9. Likes to spend quality time with me, going to movies, shopping, walks in the park, dining out, dining in, traveling, etc.
10. Enjoys hanging out with friends and family, has a healthy social life

Personality Characteristics:
1.Intelligent
2. Humble Hearted
3. Lead by the holy spirit
4. A protector
5. A natural Leader
6. Trustworthy
7. Confident, not boastful or arrogant
8. At peace with who he is
9. Mature
10. Wants to own his own home if not already
11. Interested in Real Estate
12. Loves me unconditionally
13. Not bossy but respectfully assertive
14. Not controlling
15. Easy Going
16. Loves People
17. Go with the flow attitude but not lazy
18. Has to be patient, loyal and dependable with me
19. Likes to look good and smell good
20. Tries to be the best at whatever he does
21. Has vision and purpose
22. He loves me
23.Faith filled
24. Talented
25. Anointed
26. Complimentary to me
27. My perfect fit
28. My Soul Mate
29. My best friend
30. My confidante
31. The man You have ordained for me to have from the foundations of the world!
Lord I will know the man you send me by how much he is willing to put up with me! Because anything you give is faithful and true! Thanks in advance! Muah!

My Husband Is:

My husband is my best friend. We go everywhere together. We goof around a lot because our jobs are so serious and demanding. He like going out of town on expensive trips to Vegas, Europe, and Hawaii. I Loved Hawaii (that is where we spent our honeymoon). I took him fishing and camping. It was so much fun but what I love the most is when we would sit outside and count the stars together and he would tell me his inner most thoughts as I lay my head on his chest. He sings to me  and I love to hear it even if it is off key.
We visit his parents and he never disrespects me when his old girlfriend comes to visit. I love him so much!
I don't even remember what it was like  when he wasn't in my life. I hate arguing with him and he knows it because he picks his battles, however, I give in to whatever he wants most of the time. My husband keeps me on track. I am not the most focused person, but he is and he is very organized. He likes a really clean house so I call a maid service because I can't keep it as clean as he likes it but I do clean up a little. Our home is so huge and we are barely there through out the day. When we are home, we like to cook together. My husband is a great cook. I usually help out by making the salads and side items. He makes the main courses and desserts! He is so sexy in the kitchen. I am so attracted to him and he can't keep his hands off me. I he tells me everyday that I love him the way he wants me to love him and that makes me smile. I also tell him that he loves me right whenever he loves me the way I want him to because I need him to know what makes me smile. But, knowing that I am loving him the way he wants me to gives me the greatest joy in the world!

Just Keeping It Real

I'm a single woman in my prime! I have my own job, own my own house, pay my own bills. I am the quintessential independent woman. I provide for everything I need and want. From My head down to the soles of my feet, everything about me is store bought! I don't fake the funk. I keep it real with mine. I wear wigs not because my hair is short but because I want to try something different. Each wig/weave that I wear have a different name and they have different eye colors that I wear to go with them. On Wednesday nights, I'm wearing the blonde wig with blue eyes, so I'm Brenda for the night. On Thursday nights I wear my Sasha wig, with hazel contacts! Sasha gets the most attention. She is the party girl and I let loose whenever I become her!  I love going out and portraying a different persona because it gives me a sense of adventure and adds passion to my life. However, I am starting to realize that the relationships I make don' t last very long. Every guy I meet seems to be  hiding something or keeping some sort of secret that usually gets revealed around the third or sixth month of dating. All most all of those secrets are deal breakers. I had one guy tell me he was 35, Single, with one child. He was 35, he was single, but he was living with his girlfriend that was pregnant with his one child! We dated for about three months before I suggested we stop meeting at the club and start going out on real dates. One night he asked me to pick him up from  what he said was his house, I arrived a little early only to see him kissing a pregnant woman two houses down from where he had me drop him off! I slowed down just enough for him to see that it was me as I sped off! I never talked to him again.
I dated this other guy who posed as a published author who was always working on a project.  He would always plan to spend time with me only to cancel, because he wanted to write and finish his book. Come to find out, he was never published, and he just says that to make himself seem more interesting than what he really was, a pizza delivery guy! But my favorite was Tonell. Tonell was fine! He had abs on top of abs, 6'4 201 lbs of sheer muscle! Personal Trainer by day, and Sex Machine by night! Whew!!  Tonell had it all, good looks, a thriving business, and swag! Tonell would always talk about being spiritual and how God was living within him. I just thought he was filled with the Holy Spirit! This dude actually thought he was the decendant of Zeus, the roman god! Yeah he sold me the dream, and let me down. It took me a while to get over the fact that this seemingly well to do guy was a weirdo!
After Tonell, I decided to take a break on dating altogether and really figure out what I was doing wrong. It wasn't long before I realized the problem was not with them but with me and the image I was portraying. If I wanted to attract a REAL man, I had to be a REAL WOMAN!  With all of my fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lashes, fake eyes, breast implants, tummy tucks, and butt implants, no wonder I was confused and to why I couldn't find a real man. Hell, even my personality was fake! Subconsciously I created different personalities because I was afraid to show the real me because of the fear of not being accepted. The guys that were attracted to the fakeness, were fake themselves. In order for me to attract the type of guy I want, I had to be the type of woman I am which is me. But, I had gotten so caught up in the illusion, that I forgot who I really was. I just want to be normal.  Its seems like normalcy is a dying breed! Not a whole lot of normal people out there anymore. Too many people want to show off how intelligent they are, or how much stuff they have (Me!) . Why complicate the simple?? Just be you, and allow people to make up their own mind about you and stop trying so hard to get people to see you as this or that! I swear, getting to know someone is like peeling onions! Just when you thought you had broken through, you got another layer to deal with causing you tears. I've done my fair share of crying and I refuse to cry  especially over something I can change. I'm going to be the change, I want to see in this world! Less weirdness, and more NORMAL!