Out of the midst of the fog, I see you breathing endless amounts of sadness. Your eyes wet with grief, I can see it running down your cheeks. Your face soaked with guilt. Your hands clinging to the edge of the railing. Staring down into the abyss below, you tighten your grip on the railing hoisting yourself onto the ledge of the bridge. I shout!
-"Sir, is there something wrong?!"
No answer. You don't hear me or maybe you do, however you never turn your head to look at me. I want to run to you but I was too afraid of what I might see, so I shout again!
-"Sir, is there something wrong! Is there someone down there? Should I call the police?!"
I slowly approach you. Not close enough to grab you but close enough to see your face and what you are wearing. I notice you wearing a tuxedo with a white flower in your left front pocket. You turn to face me with pain in your eyes and with tears streaming down your caramel colored cheeks. You say,
"I'm sorry. I can't do this!" as you lean away from the rail.
I try to grab your arm before you let go, but it was to late. You were gone and I had no idea where you had fallen because of the darkness that lie beneath.
Who were you and what couldn't you do?
When the rescue divers fished your body out of the river. They asked me to identify your body as the man I saw. The tuxedo. Yes. It was you.
I couldn't help but wonder what would make a man throw himself off a bridge, ultimately ending his own life? Was he being blackmailed? Did he kill someone and could not live with the guilt?
His last words, "I'm sorry. I can't do this" haunted my dreams at night.
I couldn't sleep for days after that. His eyes forever etched in the back of my brain. I got a knock on the door, I spoke through the door before I opened it.
- "Who is it?"
"Its Sheila. ...Sheila Hollingsworth. I am the Widow of the man you saw fall off the bridge."
Okay, what the hell is she doing at my house. Somebody at the police station is getting fired! I still hadn't opened the door because what if she is crazy and thinks something was going on between me and him? I never knew the man!
So I call out to her through the closed door.
-"Ma'am, I don't know how you got my address but I can assure..."
"I just need a moment of your time, I don't mean any harm. I just want to know if he mentioned me at all! Did he say anything at all! I just want to know what happened! That night was our wedding night!"
I could hear the pain in her voice. She was heartbroken, not angry.
My anger towards her grew silent and I felt remorse for her. How could her newly wed husband commit such an act? This was too crazy to be true, but my inquiring mind wanted to know desperately who this man was and why he did it. So, I opened the door, but only cracked it a bit. I still didn't know her.
"Are you Sandra Burke?"
-"Yes. I am she.."
"May I come in? I promise I don't have any ulterior motive only to know what he said, if anything at all!"
-"Well, okay. But you can't stay long, I am expecting company in about an hour."
I lied. I wasn't expecting nobody over. I just wanted her to know that someone was on their way over just in case she tried anything funny. I let her in and we sat and talked, but she did most of the talking.
After I told her what he said to me on the bridge, she began to cry.
She said that she didn't mean to pressure him into marrying her. She just wanted her two kids to be in a household where both the parents were married. All her friends were married and she just got tired of everyone wondering when she was going to get married. Her parents weren't so thrilled when he got her pregnant at 16, and they didn't expect him to stick around, but he did. She went on to tell me that he was a good father to his 2 boys and that he loved them so much. She knew he didn't want to get married but his parents persuaded him into at least getting engaged.
They were engaged after they had their second child, and that was 5 years ago. She said he was always a mama's boy. He did whatever his mother told him. His mother wanted him to get married and have lots of children for her because he was her only child. He never really told anybody no. She didn't think he knew how. I began to feel sorry for him, but I was also angry at the same time.It was hard for me to fathom a grown man, not standing up for himself. Instead of doing what was right for him, he thought was right for everyone else. The guy was obviously depressed, and went through life not making any decisions for himself which ultimately lead him to suicide. He dug a whole so deep, it was better to die rather than dig himself out of it. So sad. Poor Sheila, A wife and a widow all in the same night! Better to live alone than to live a lie. After she left, I finally put everything in perspective and could finally sleep at night. I gave Sheila my phone number just in case she ever needed to talk. We ended up becoming good friends. She credits me for getting her through the roughest time in her life. I guess you never know how or why people come into your life. But, you are always glad that they are in your life. She eventually went back to school, for nursing, and graduated at the top of her class, and is now engaged to a doctor. Turns out this tragedy may have been the best thing that ever happened to her.- R.I. P. Tuxedo Man.
