The Other Woman

Dear Lover,
You are so over confident, and I am so under confident. Your confidence offends me. It reminds me of how much of it I lack. Now, I'm not trying to complain, I am just telling you how I feel whenever I am around you. I don't know how to treat you when you brag on yourself. It makes me so uncomfortable as if I am competing with you on who loves themselves the most or who has the most self esteem. When you say how SEXY and FINE you are, stuff like that makes me feel like I should be saying stuff like that about myself. However, I am not the boastful type. I am not the type to glorify myself. I try to practice humility when it comes to stuff like that. I have never done that around people, but you do it so freely and you don't care about how it makes others feel. You know what I think? I think that maybe you were placed in my life for a far more important purpose than I had earlier anticipated. At first I thought you and I were meant to be lovers but now I think its deeper than that. Maybe my confidence is so low that I need someone with a higher self esteem. Maybe I need someone with a higher confidence within their self. Perhaps I need someone who boasts and brags just for motivation. I think I need to boast a little more. Being with you is teaching me something. Being around you is teaching me that with confidence you can get what you want and if you have enough, you can even persuade others to believe in you as well. I shouldn't feel down or depressed around you if I had confidence within myself. Would you like to know what else I have learned about me when I am with you? I have learned that you bring out the worst in me so that I can know who I really am. Being around you made me see how desperate and thirsty I really am for attention and love. After all, I did sleep with you knowing you were married. And after you got divorced, and you chose another female to pursue a relationship with instead of me, I slept with you again. I slept with you knowing you had a wonderful loving relationship with probably a really great person for you. Hell, I even tried to break you guys up by confronting her about you and I's relationship with one another, but she didn't believe me. She chose your words over mine. So I assumed she was cool with it, so I continued to sleep with you. Wow! Thinking about my actions makes me sick to my stomach because I know that is not the kind of life of love or the lack there of that God wants for me. That is not the kind of woman I would like to be. Sweetie, you are a good guy and can be really sweet (at times), but you bring out the very worst in me. But fortunately, its not a bad thing to do if I learn from it. It is only bad if I continue to allow you to do those things expecting things to change. Honey, I can see myself married to you and being a loving wife and mother to our children, but I can also see myself becoming a jealous thirsty chick sitting outside your house waiting for you and your girlfriend to come home just to beat the crap out of her and you! As tempting as that sounds, I am not trying to go to jail, or die so being the thirsty chick is OUT!  Bottom line, I am nobody's other woman, and I should not allow and should have never allowed you to put me in that category, nor should I have put my self in that category. If you don't want to be with me, and be faithful to me, then that just means that God got something better for me in mind! And right now, I think I will wait on Him because if I continue to sleep with you, there is only one way it will end, and its bad, all bad! I love you and I love myself, But I know ME! I love you too much to help you ruin your life!